NANA'S ARE REALLY LITTLE GIRLS INSIDE
Sometimes I wish I was a little person again,
And I could enjoy a toy kitten as if it were real,
Like I did, anyway, on our New Year's Christmas day.
I poked it's white tummy and let out a girly squeal,
Acting much younger than a Nana should, in a way.
Never could get over how real it did feel,
A tummy poke and it moved in a little kitty way.
None of my gifts could be traded, that had such appeal,
So I settled for the little time I could cuddle and play,
Til my grand-daughter thought me strange and unreal,
And asked for her gift back with a look, as if to say,
She was afraid I wasn't pretending and might try to steal.
With a sigh I returned the toy to her that day,
I knew my wish to be young again wasn't part of the deal,
She took her toy white kitten and I became her sweet Nana again.
~~~~~~~~~~
This year came skidding in and I'm no where done with last year yet! When I start thinking about resolutions for this new year, I was reminded of last years list and that I had a handy way to look back on that list right here in my blog! So, I stopped drafting this and went to my quick Labels list and clicked on the label, New Years Resolutions. At this point, there is only 1 posting listed. Easy.
After printing it off, I notice I never did finish last years list. Good time for me to review. Besides, I'm curious how many of the ones I did list, I kept.
Hm ... let's see,
2010 Review
1. I resolve to continue not praying for myself. Disappointment is blinding me.
~At the end of 2009 I was going through my annual holiday blues and felt that my prayers weren't being heard. So I decided to leave me out of all my prayers. To go for a few months that way would have been a miracle but I'm sure I was back into grumbling about me before February rolled in. (Note to God: If it makes You feel any better, I hate my whining more that You do.)
2. I resolve to let go of the chains of the past and forgive more, starting with me.
~I kept this one and it is a continual resolve. I have sooooo much to forgive myself for. As I type this, I think it is time for a burning ceremony. This is a ceremony I learned while working at the Independence Center in Lincoln, NE, back in my late 20's. There are variations to the ceremony and for me, in this quest of forgiving myself; I will write down the things that I struggle forgiving myself for. When done, I will read them aloud to myself starting with ... I forgive myself for ... and, as I burn the list, I will pray for forgiveness, one last time, to my Lord.
~Yes, I know He forgave me a long time ago, ... this is my responsibility. That which I hold on to, is that which I re-crucify my Christ for. I know when I do this burning ceremony and watch my burdens turn to ash, it will be very liberating and a great visual to help me understand how far the East is from the West. If I don't feel that way, then I've not let my burdens go. I've been here before. I'm tired of the weight.
3. I resolve to be better than I have been, even yesterday, to stop pitying me.
~Can I use my aging as an excuse for why I'm still feeling sorry for myself?
4. I resolve to get out of the ME trunk, since right off the bat, the first three resolves end with ME!
~Maybe I should just burn that trunk.
5. I resolve to be close to God again.
~This one I didn't begin to keep til I returned to, nearly, every morning, reading my Bible. I returned to the Lord's Word on November 9, 2010. I hope never to fall away from regular reading again. What a void!
~Why did I stop? If interested in an answer, I tried to analyze it in 'Back To The Bible'. (I know there is a way to link this so all you have to do is click on the title I just typed and wha-lah, you're there. Some day. For now, you have to go to my Labels section and click on Spiritual Thots and, hopefully, wha-lah.)
6. I resolve to sell most of my stuff and clear out the clutter in my life.
~Ok, not MOST of my stuff went in all my garage sales of 2010. Not even a third. So, this resolution I will carry into 2011 because it is necessary and as I age, I can't take care of it all ... and my husband will just throw it all out if I croak before him.
7. I resolve to get more organized and cut back on my procrastination.
~I have gotten more organized this year! Procrastination? Well ... I'm still finishing a scrapbook I started for a dear friend's 60th birthday. He'll be 61 this month and I hope to get it to him soon. Yes, I know it is a year later!
(Note to Lou, if I should croak before getting it to you: Sorry, darlin, my intentions were good!)
8. I resolve to find something I love working at and finish the last few years of my life, doing that which I love. (let's get real, I'll be 58 this year and I hope I have enough years left to see my grand children graduate and maybe even marry?)
~This resolve I kept. I can't imagine doing anything I love more, right now, than getting the opportunity to be my grandson's Nanny for the first few years of his life. He's 2 now. Preschool won't start til he is 4. After that? Who knows? Maybe my dream to be a Gypsy will come true. I've always wanted to travel and write about the local color I may stumble across. Every person has a colorful history.
9. I resolve to take better care of this body God gave me.
~No, I did not keep this resolution at all! Again, I always have good intentions.
So, I didn't finish the list I made last year and I didn't keep all the few I listed. Is that going to stop me from drawing up a new list this year? No. I made progress. Not perfection, progress.
I learned from some special 12 step programs, over the years, how important it is for me to take a regular inventory and assess some goals, to try to keep my life in balance. From those life changing programs I came to treasure a saying that was printed on the back of a medallion that was given to folks celebrating special personal markers and it read;
To Thine Own Self Be True
This saying and the Serenity Prayer have been constant reminders to help me live, grow and love. And over the years, since, I find myself reviewing, revising and resolving (annually) to make each year better than the last year.
So ... back to drafting up my 2011 resolutions.
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