WILL MY SHIP COME?

When I was but a girl,
This life was a very slow go.
Now what a whirl,
As an ole lady wanting to go slow!

What happened to me?
Why didn't I see it coming?
If I knew this that I now see,
Why am I not running?

Run where? is my first thought!
Isn't running why I'm here?
Also not choosing as I ought?
Wasting years in drugs and beer!

So many changes have come and gone,
Mature only in lessons learned,
A babe still in times choosing wrong,
Spurred to grow by the things I yearned!

Now yearning is stagnate,
Dreams are mostly deflated,
Nothing to want or rate,
Everything seems stalemated!

I don't want in or out,
Broken down and feeling old!
Still so poor and without,
Grateful for spouse's household.

Dark and dreary life seems now.
When did this curtain drop!
And when did the sun go out,
And my happy bubble popped?

Will this pass?
Oh don't tell me this is all!
Say this won't last,
And soon I'll hear the call!

If the call be a trumpet blast,
That would be most prized!
Or a ships port of call and sighted mast,
Full of blessings per that ships size!

Yes, when my ship comes in,
It will be a time of rest,
When all will be forgiven,
And no mountain waves to crest!

The sun will come out again,
Tears will bloom flowers,
And the curtain won't remain,
And the milk won't ever be sour.

Spirit will come on in power,
The past will be erased,
Life will be empowered,
And change will not disgrace!

Whew what a whirl!
An ole lady wanting to take it slow!
Seems just yesterday a little girl,
And this life was a very slow go.

A new day, and a Friday to boot! Grandson is napping and lunch is in the microwave for me. Edited this blog and visited a couple of blogs I enjoy. It's a chilly day and spring is on hold for a winter blizzard on the Colorado plains. Our Nebraska nook just got the cold wind and threat of snow...a teasing. Maybe snow this week-end?
Microwave is beeping. Oh I know, nuke the food and what evils may be introduced to this aging body?, but it's ease for a solitary meal and for left-overs is a habit hard to beat! So off to eat my Lean Cusine. Is that advertising? Can I get paid for it? :)

Surely I'm on the mend. Family thinks I should go see my doctor but I don't want to take any antibiotics....which I believe would be an unhealthy alternative to working this through. I've up't my vitamin C and am taking vitamin A til I heal. I'm finally trying to take a daily multi-vitamin, which I should have been taking regularly to date! Especially, since my eating habits aren't the best either. That too, I'm trying to revise....now that I'm sick. Why do I do that!! I make changes usually under pressure and its so frustrating! Taking care of myself should be an honor, but I tend to abuse myself...

Anyway, this is a cold day and I'm snug in Dad's chair with my lap top to post a note and Oprah on the tube. She's got a program on families getting cooking lessons. a way to survive this poor economy by cooking at home, HEALTHY, and reduce eating out or fast food costs, UNHEALTHY. I enjoy watching Martha, Ellen, and Oprah when I get the chance. Like most things in my life, I watch more than I do. I really want to change this. My grandmother and mother both spent their 50'-60's as couch potatoes with soaps & Bonanza for grandma and soaps and Martha and Oprah for my mom. Ellen is one program that both ladies would be shocked that I enjoy. Grandma left us when she was in her mid 70's after a few years in a nursing home. Mom now resides in a nursing home and with suspect, Alzheimer's/Dementia, she still watches her soaps and Oprah but is unable to tell us what the programs are about. Did becoming a couch potato bring on living in a nursing home or was...is it inevitable? Can I change the things about me that I detested in the self destruction I witnessed of Grandma and Mom, or am I a victum of genes!! So on this cold day, snug in Dad's chair, blogging while watching Oprah is already a bit of change....right?

Ok, as if I might ever have any blog followers... guess I'll end this session with an explanation of why my blog's Sam's Thots. My real name is Sandy....rather Sandra, then Sandy became norm. In fact, Grandma and Mom only called me Sandra when they were angry with me so I prefer Sandy. :) Anyway, during my 20's I had a circle of gal friends and we all began to call each other by the first three letters of our names. So Flossie, became Flo. Gloria became Glo. Colleen became Co (ok, so we used only 2 letters for her) Becky became Bec and so on. Well Sandy became San but often heard as Sam. Finally the nickname Sam stuck. I miss those younger years... and I'm rarely called Sam anymore and the only friend I'm in contact with on a regular basis is Co. Our friendship spans nearly 37 years now and we use to joke about how we would race each other in wheelchairs up and down the nursing home halls. It's not so funny now, huh Co?

I'm a Nebraska native who didn't appreciated my home state until these later years. Born and raised most of my life in Western Nebraska in the sandhills and from a family that many would rightly call, dysfunctional, but I consider, colorful. My family history has its own story but examples of our dysfunctions can be found everywhere in the world. My Mom married a few times so I have a combination of brothers and sisters, blood, half and step. Dad was not known to me until I reached my twenties and even then to now, I never have 'known' him. When I reflect on a Dad only Mom's fourth husband comes to heart! "Pete" was my Dad. Funny how being a blood father doesn't make one a DAD! (Same goes for the blood mother analogy) As my blog goes on, I'll probably reflect on some of my earlier experiences but for now...generalities.

I grew up, survived much and have found myself in my senior years. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. Many of my friends from the 60's-70's didn't and I sabatoged my own plans of escape several times to find life, now, a very blessed event, one day at a time. Life is an accumulation of experiences!

Well, enough for now. Sick with one heck of a cold and I feel a coughing spasm coming on.

So later...