What Time Is It?

I strongly don't like Daylight Savings Time! Strongly don't like? I'm trying not to hate things. Bad karma ... anyway, 'falling' back has brought my world into near balance. Funny how one hour a day, springing forward or falling back, can rock one's inner rhythm into chaos or calm.

Last Friday was a day of controlled chaos. I was late to every appointment, earlier that day! I had made special, 'be kind to me' appointments, too. One was an hour long massage that got shorten to half and hour because of my tardiness! Seems everything I scheduled to unstress me ... became part of the stress!

Then there was the speech. I had been working on that speech for over a week. I had rewritten it so many times that I almost called SCIP to request they find another speaker. Finally I had it done but when I practiced reading it, it was longer than the time I had, to give it in. I was rewriting it right up until I got into the car and was on my way, late, to the Sandhills Crisis Intevention Program's (SCIP) 25TH Celebration. The published version of the speech is following this post you are reading, should you (whoever you are) want to read it. The published version of my speech/testimony is also the original ... before I chopped it up to fit into the time frame I had that Friday night.

Even the chopped version was nearly too long but I think I read it fairly well after I recovered from nearly fainting, three pages in. Reading? Yes, reading. I am not a professional speaker but I AM a good reader! Reading my speech seemed less terrifying.

I was terrified at speaking in front of a crowd. The content of my speech came from my heart and was important to share but that did nothing to quell my terror. Terror can only defeat you if you run from it. So, I faced my fear but that didn't stop me from sweating profusely as I walked up to the podium, while listening and watching my beautifully poised and professional daughter introduced me as the keynote speaker. What is a keynote speaker, anyway?

A reassuring hug from my daughter and then a quick adjustment of the mic and I was facing a room full of people in an elegantly decorated banquet hall. I began reading and three pages in, I came close to fainting! Seriously? Seriously!

I took a moment and a deep breath ... I tried not to worry about the long silence needed to do that and before the crowd could grow restless and uncomfortable, I found a sudden peace, an inner feeling, that all would be well. And it was. I began reading again and could even look up and survey the room of faces looking back at me. I was even able to add some humor by the end.

When I was done, I did try to run back to my table and safely tuck myself away. My daughter stopped me, mid flight, and enveloped me in a most loving hug and whispered in my ear how much she loved me. I cherished that moment between us, a moment that was very deep and healing for both of our troubled souls. Somewhere deep within my heart I could hear a still small voice telling me that both of us would grow much from this. As my daughter slowly drew away from me, I was looking at a very gifted woman, whom I loved very much. Where had my little girl gone?

So, on the last Friday of Daylight Savings Time 2010, I shared my story on being a survivor of domestic violence. In survival fashion ... I survived the experience and left behind a night of utter terror at speaking, a terror from which God helped me overcome, blessing me with a calm ... a calm like one after a storm. A much needed calm, that carried me through the weekend. A calm that is still with me, even now.

What time is it? Time for a change. I changed my blog appearance. I'm trying to learn how to list my posts in an organized fashion. It's time to get serious about my writing. It's time to enjoy getting old. NOT!! I strongly don't like getting old more than I strongly don't like Daylight Savings Time! Guess it's time to take it one change at a time.