This year is still flying by at a rate that is making it very difficult for me to catch up. It doesn't help that I am a chronic procrastinator or that I've not felt like doing much more than required in a day, with a back that, as of October has spinal specialists recommending a fuse in the lower lumbar region. It is an option that doesn't appeal to me and so on the last Friday of October, I tried an injection, a type of epidural with something like a steroid, and I feel like a NEW WOMAN! Today is day four of not having to put my knees on my chest, lay to my side, sit, then raise up slowly to prevent a sharp, spiking pain from dropping me to my knees as I rise in the morning. It is day four of nearly, NO PAIN ALL DAY, and you just can't imagine the awesomeness of this!! Well, maybe some folks can! Anyway, I'm praying this isn't a temporary relief. Let it be permanent, Lord?
I'm working on a speech I'm going to be giving Friday, November 5th, 2010. It is my testimony, more than a speech, I guess. I will be sharing my story as it relates to growing up in a violently abusive home. I have shared bits and pieces of my history at various times in the last 33 years, to various people, mostly family. This will be the first time I put all the bits and pieces together and tell what I believe I have grown through.
It has been an emotional time for me and I have torn up several drafts before finally getting on my knees and asking the Lord to help me. Now, I worry that it will be too long a speech and what I share will be used against me. I have good reason to worry since this speech will be given to, primarily, a home town crowd and it has happened before. But this is too important, so, I've decided the risk is worth it. Someone may hear and be helped and find hope in what they thought was a hopeless situation. That's most important to me ... but not the only reason for sharing. Each time I've let the light shine in the dark corners of my past, I have been healed. I've learned that to defuse the victim role I easily play, I must be open. So even if no one is moved enough to leave their cave of pain, I have much to gain. And I'm ready to turn another page in my life and reflect on how far I have come.
I've decided to print my speech in my blog. Since it is so long, I had thought I would publish it in four parts. I tried but just couldn't get the parts to post in the correct order. Guess, I've got some Blogger studying to do. Until I figure it out I guess my final publish will be long. Hard to compress over 50 years of life experience into just a few pages. And the forthcoming, lengthy testimony, is a very condensed version.
Guess I'll take a moment here and pre-apologize to anyone who may stumble across my blog, especially after I post my speech, and frown on my grammar and my lack of proper form. Maybe if I write a personal biography I will take the time to learn the proper writing rules.
I don't apologize for my story, though. I'm done doing that. I've quit believing that God made a mistake when he created me and He has a purpose in me. Maybe it is my story? Maybe not. Still ... I'm done apologizing.
So, as soon as I'm done editing my draft, I will post. Until then ...
