Showing posts with label Sam's Poems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sam's Poems. Show all posts

Friday, February 5, 2016

SO TRUMP IS YOUR GUY?

So Trump is your guy?
That tells me much about you.
A bully you worship makes me sigh,
Because no self love have you come by.

He calls people awful names,
And enlists a hate that pollutes.
No respect for the President fame,
He's for all the self worship he can gain!

He calls people fat, ugly and stupid,
And yet you all fall for his divisive scraps!
His platform is so very putrid, 
His words full of decayed meaning muted!

Trump will be a fatal missile,
That will destroy our democracy design,
With a Hitler like tinsel,
And a 'LOOK AT ME I'M SO GREAT' type missile!

Missiles of hate and a miscreant,
He's breeding a change to freedom for ALL,
Breastfeeding venom to his minions to vent,
And building his empire of discontent!

All the unhappy think they found a voice,
But vampire Trump feeds on that pain,
Faking to you that he's your voice,
Only as long as you believe in HIS choice!

He truly hates you, hates us!
He is of the billionaires club,
And his way is full of abhorrence,
His path full of ignorance!

Yes, if Trump is your guy,
It tells me much about you.
You hate yourself so much that you'd lie,
Full of such hate and no desire to even try!

You've closed your mind,
You have no desire to know any truth!
A mind of hate doesn't want to find,
A love for us ALL to share and bind!

No, you'd rather kill with Trump in the lead,
And spit on your neighbor,
And sleep with your gun by your feet,
Irrational fear is ALL you see!

You are a different terror to me,
Yet not different than that which you fear,
And like those Muslims you'd hate to be,
You've have your own Sharia Law to feed!

Pretending to be so noble and brave,
Kissing Trump's feet like he's your god,
Not caring that there is no one he will save,
Or that he will send you to an early grave!

This is NOT like his reality TV show!
That is for entertainment built on all that is fake!
This is your life he'll deal a deadly blow, 
Becoming his greatest victim yet to grow!

Kiss your children goodbye,
Should this man become president,
Since Trump is your guy,
Prepare for all you love to die.


Sandra K. Harrison
February 5, 2016


Sunday, September 6, 2015

Heavy And Light

Heavy And Light


This is poem number 5 and the final one,
Last one for the 5 Day Poetry Challenge,
That Paige Namuth nominated me on,
Though for me it is instead the 5 Poem Challenge.

Time was my enemy for doing this right,
Sure I could post poems written before,
And not all new ones did I write,
Just no time to submit 5 days in a row.

So here's the last one I will submit,
But not the last one I will ever write,
Because to writing I'll always commit,
Covering topics both heavy and light.

Heavy are thoughts that must be penned,
A healing salve for deep soul wounds,
So on paper I empty my heart to lend,
And keep my soul from sickness bound.

Locking away all heavy thoughts,
Can build a darkness so thick,
That only crazy blues can be wrought,
And the body fills with nothing but sick!

I found this healing at a young seven,
When after beatings I wrote about it,
Adding how I would one day get even,
By making him suffer with the hate I'd spit!

Putting my heavy on paper back then,
Gave me room to let go of all the pain,
And I grew to become my best friend,
And let forgiveness be my gain.

It's the same with the world's heavy,
I like to write down my thoughts,
So I can sort and then levy,
And let go of all pain they wrought.

Now light writing is much more fun,
To joke and find laughter in life,
Makes all the darkness run,
And lifts the soul from all it's strife.

Light topics are full of smiles,
Like Donald Trump in the 2016 election,
His antics make laughing worthwhile,
Fodder for the best writing selection.

Or other light topics that can dispel gloom,
And give wings to a happy heart,
Like writing about how love can bloom,
Or life being as swift as a fart!

So rather heavy or light a poem is the way,
To create a picture that fits the mood,
To put in words that create a sway,
And make one smile or even brood.

Thank you Paige for this opportunity,
To share this one of my passions,
Though fearful of much scrutiny,
It's been worth my time and creation.



Monday, August 17, 2015

LIFE MOVING ON ...

Here is my 4th poem for the 5 day Poetry Challenge that I was nominated for on Facebook, by a very dear lady to my heart, Paige Namuth. I met her through her husband, Ron Namuth, whom was the Director of the Independence Center when I worked there in the late 70's - early 80's. This couple are locked in my mind trunk of precious memories from that time and a big part of the many changes I have made in my own life over the years since. Changes I made more through observing their own walk in life than from a close personal relationship with them. I had not had any contact with them once I moved away from Lincoln, NE in late 1985 .... until I joined the social media, Facebook, a few years back. Now I enjoy the memories that Paige often shares and find both of them in my thoughts nearly every day.

Anyway, Paige nominated me for this 5 day Poetry Challenge and it is probably suppose to include a poem a day for 5 consecutive days. But I suck at challenges, most of the time, and so, am doing 5 poems when I am able to take time to write a new poem or have time to copy one I've written over the years past from my poetry vault. 

Paige, I apologize for breaking any rules. I thank you for nominating me. It has given me opportunity to reflect on some of my past work and to put pen to hand for some new writings. It has also given me inspiration to return to my blog.

Life Moving On ...

I sit in my upstairs office,
Which use to be my daughter's room.
The walls are blue.
You picked blue, my daughter.
My blue eyed Pooh Bear.
Pooh Bear?
I latched on to that nickname,
After I heard my step-dad back in 1980,
Had nicknamed his youngest daughter,
His lil Pooh Bear.
It lovingly stuck on my own lil treasure.

Slept in my dark teal room last night,
Which use to be my step-son's room.
You picked this color, my son.
My son from a different mother,
Who can understand me,
As no one else ever has.
Greer became Clint. 
GC to those whom love him dearly, 
With a magic touch,
And a heart with a 6th sense,
A healer to those in physical pain.

A guest bedroom watches the sun set.
This was Shelby's eldest brother's room.
Only the furniture,
And the pictures have changed.
It is the room I meditate in.
Remember John, when we moved you out of it?
You'd leave food items in it to mold,
And so to the basement you were sent,
Which is now the most favored choice,
Of all the family when they come to visit.
The room that never has been finished to date.

My kids have all grown and left home.
They have their own rooms now,
Full of memories both good and bad.
That is life.
Rooms of memories,
Changed, yet old vibrations can still be felt.
I would have treasured more then,
If I had known,
How much I would miss them now,
And how empty these rooms,
Feel at times,
Now that you have all moved out,
                                   and on ....



Sandra K. Harrison
August 13, 2015

Sunday, August 2, 2015

I was trying to cut/paste my poems from Facebook to blog but not savvy enough to figure out why they paste on top of each other or when previewing, only part of the poem shows in preview. Sooooo am doing it an old cumbersome way, a paste per new blog post! 

And so again:


Day 3 of the 5 day poetry challenge. Sorry but unable to do these days consecutively. (Started this challenge in mid July.) Hope I'm not breaking any rules. I'm suppose to nominate for this 5 day poetry challenge and so I nominate Justice Alicia via Mia Sandoval (here on Facebook) AND also Mia Sandoval. Mia, you could do a short poem and post it with your selfie of the day. Or not. You love theater so dream big. I also nominate April Teddlie.
THE FADE
What was it like to fade away?
All that was familiar is now strange.
Did they know they were fading?
Were plans made for such a change?
First it was post-it notes to instruct,
Then it was the lapse in time,
When you find them wandering,
Forgetting what they wanted to find.
Some get angry for no reason at all!
Can't say I blame them for such action,
With a whole world upside down,
And they at the center of attention.
Some just quietly disappear,
One day here and the next day gone!
No warning with these tender souls,
"Surprise, you're at the end of your life song!"
My heart breaks for such a burden,
When the mind leaves before the body.
When memories fade to total blank,
And you become their strange somebody.
Can I only pray this will all pass,
And not become my own fate?
Or am I destined to join the fade,
And never remember when it's too late?
Sandra K Harrison
August 1, 2015

NOTE: If I have any followers, you've probably noticed I have not been blogging regularly. I hope to remedy that. But no promises .... just in case I have some real fans. And no disrespect to such fans. I am in a funk and trying to work my way out of it. Par for the course for someone whom has fought depression most of her life and now may be joining the ranks as someone with Alzheimer's.
And:

Day 2 of the 5 day poetry challenge ...
Never Regret
So where to from here, Lord?
Didn't expect to get this far.
So right there ...
I'm mighty grateful, Lord!
But seems to me that getting old,
Makes living more challenging.
And like an invisibility cloak,
I am no longer visibly bold.
To not be seen is like death itself.
There is a time for solitude,
But ... when you walk on by,
I'm like that picture ignored on the shelf.
There was a time I WAS seen.
And I ran from the attention,
Because I was sought by evil,
And I blamed it all on being seen.
Sometimes I even hid,
Behind couches and self made walls.
Or I'd run only to have me find me,
And a world judging all I did.
Now I'm old and gray in the mirror,
But when I look away I remember,
That skinny girl with long blonde hair,
Who often perceived like a seer.
Now I have too many regrets,
And a life filling with mixed memories.
As I venture through this last life season,
Help me Lord find life I never want to regret.
Sandra K. harrison
03-28-15
I was nominated on Facebook by Paige Namuth for a 5 day poetry challenge. Not sure of the rules or if there are any. Here is what I have done so far:

Day 1 of the five day poetry challenge I was nominated for by Paige Namuth.
Made it home.
Home is our Sandhill retreat,
And the rose made the journey, too.
Unpacked memories,
Opened up all the windows,
And a cooling breeze filled this country home.
There was the rose.
Soon it's beauty will be in full wilt,
And will remind me she is gone to a New Home.
Nothing lasts forever.
Not the rose nor the breeze,
And the journey is both fun and sad.
Dance through the fun times of life,
Sing through the sad times of death,
And be the rose until the moment is gone.
Forever can be a memory,
That one can unpack for reflection,
And know also that a dried rose will remember.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Still Here ... but Still Behind!

I got my desk top back and hopefully ... fixed. The new, privately built unit, ended up with a bad disc. Had a new one, with less space, put in. Didn't want to wait for the 1-2 week shipping of a new disc, and Deaver Computers had the smaller one in stock. I was given a $25 in store credit for the exchange. No comment, yet, on rather I was wise in this exchange or stupid.

So, I'm still here, but still behind. Before I can finish my back posts currently in draft, I must find two years of pictures that Aaron didn't get transferred to new disc. And if you all knew how un-tech I am, you would understand my frustration with this fix. I tried to get Aaron to help me but with his answer of, "maybe it's time you learned," leads me to believe I must LEARN this myself. GRRRR! 

He's right, of course, I must learn. To grow my blog and to grow my photo skills ... I must learn. 

And for me to learn ... time ... 

On top of finding lost pictures, I'm struggling with Blogger and getting my posts to look the way I want. Again, I need to LEARN!

Well, for some reason, learning has become a real challenge these days! And takes more time! Why?

I need more time,
So very hard to find!
May never climb out,
Or have any clout!
As it all comes at me,
Faster than I can see!
All I do is scramble,
In this life's gamble!
Doing what I can,
My own biggest fan!
One thing at a time,
One day at a time!
And maybe it will be done,
So I can have some fun!
And not regret,
Or always fret!
But finally finish,
Not at all skittish!
And stand tall,
Knowing that's all!
For now,
Somehow,
I'm still here,
My dear!
And still behind,
Yep still behind!

Monday, April 22, 2013

THE WORLD TILTS TOWARDS MORE CHAOS AS WE CLING TO JUST LIVING

THE WORLD TILTS TOWARDS MORE CHAOS ...


I try not to be afraid. Why is violence becoming the norm for making a statement? What kind of statement deserves the destruction of innocents? I don't understand. What I don't understand, often scares me. The Boston bombing ... there are no words I can convey to express my shock, anguish and despair! Another why to pack away in my trunk full of whys.

I try not to be afraid. I have some awesome memories as part of the support team that followed my girlfriend as she ran in the Lincoln  Marathon 2009. I remember taking pictures and celebrating with everyone at the finish line. I even blogged about it. (If interested in my memories of that time look in my Labels under Best Friend Moments. Blog begins with pictures under title My Lincoln Marathon Hero May 2009. Sorry, I still need to learn how to link stuff.) I can't imagine what it would have been like if some very sick soul(s) had bombed the marathon. My heart hurts for those folks in Boston who had their innocence shattered and nightmare memories to heal from. My trunk of whys is getting so full!

I try not to be afraid. There seems to be a race to what can be the most horrible act for acclaim. Is this the predicted path to end of times? Soon nothing will be left untouched. Soon we will be at risk in every area of our life for some one's sick claim to fame and martyrdom. Why? Is this God's will? Not my God! Apparently some god's are very violent and their worshippers the most dark. My God is not revealing answers to my whys.

I try not to be afraid. So, I pray and cling to faith that the God I worship understands and He will reveal the answers to my whys in due time. I pray that I may endure and not become like those I fear. When I turn to praying, the fear is less. I feel helpless to stop the chaos, but I know prayer is a tool of power. I may not be able to stop the attacks and get lost in the whys, but I can pray myself into the Lord's arms and know ... 

 He will give me strength,
To go on living each day,
In spite of my fear.

He will go with me as I walk,
This path He has put me on,
And not let fear stop my life travels.

He already knows the race I'm running.
I will be taken when my path ends,
But not before He's ready.

He wants my faith that in Him I can trust,
No man can do to me what isn't planned,
So in His care I put my fear.


 
AS WE CLING TO JUST LIVING ...


The world reels and in my small corner of it, we cling to just living.
My last post found me reeling from some family hurt. I used it to get drunk and feel sorry for myself and cling to some anger/hurt at the way my little brother, Don, and his family moved back to Arizona and left our family home, that he was caretaker of, in such a dis-respectful mess! I'm full aware of the dysfunctional dynamics of most of my family (self included) but did not expect the actions of little brother, Don.

I learned a lot and am now alert and won't let myself be vulnerable again. Donny called me and was in distress and needed help. He had back issues that I would understand, two years later, when my own back brought me down. With Mom in the nursing home, the family home needed a caretaker.

Don moved from Arizona to the family home, hoping that not having to pay rent as the caretaker and lower living expenses would be a help as he pursued medical help for his back. At least, that is why I thought he moved back home. Now, I'm not sure.

Long story short, he and his family were not happy here and the medical help for his back was refused because he didn't have insurance and was unable to work full time with his limited abilities due to back/leg pain. The doctors he did find required money up front before they would operate. And he was wearing out his welcome mats with most of the Pain Specialists in the area.

The rest of Don's family never felt like Ogallala was home. Many other issues clouded their stay here, including my own temper tantrums that I threw a couple of times. I fully admit to not doing my best to make their stay feel like home. But I won't take the full weight. It was probably best for them to move back to the place they felt most at home.

Now, more than two months later, I'm letting go of the anger and hurt. I'm trying to take responsibility for my part in the pain and I haven't been drunk since March 1st. I pray for God to help me be aware, resolve to change what I can, bless ALL of my family and let me not be the one who shames them.

Brother Lynn (Carl) and I have been cleaning and repairing the family home for these last couple of months. We are finally seeing a beautiful home emerge and the smoke smell is nearly gone. It has been wonderful to see Lynn put his all into the cleaning and decorating. I believe I will be able to trust that he will be the most awesome caretaker of our family home.

Out of all our family members, who would have thought? Lynn, has suffered much in his life. A fall from a two story window when he was 2 years old and landing on his head, made him a true miracle. He survived. Then he was severely abused by Mom's second husband and most of the blows he received by that man were to his head. Again, he survived. But the damages have impacted his life.

Everyone in the family is fully aware of Lynn's difficulty in comprehension and learning. He was placed in special classes most of his young life and his slowness was often the target of bullies. His older brother, Mark, became his guardian for most of those school years. Mark would fight with Lynn's bullies, as well as his own, when he spent two years in a leg brace for a bone disease in his right hip. (Why bully kids that seem different, poor, and/or weak? But Mark had a weapon in those days, his crutch. Now-a-days he'd of been expelled for waiting until those boys were in range and then swinging his crutch in a half moon thrust and knocking them off their feet.) This guardianship care would continue off and on throughout the boys adulthood.

When Lynn was diagnosed with cancer in 2000, Mark and his family, took him in for most of his treatment and recovery time. Before Lynn had fully recovered from his cancer, Mark was diagnosed with a terminal liver disease and would need a transplant that he never got. The tables turned and Lynn stayed on with the family to help care for Mark. It was fitting, though so very painful, for Lynn to be the only one with Mark when he died five years ago.

When Mark died, Lynn was lost for a while and ended up homeless. He had friends and family that would offer a bed or couch to crash on. But when he was drinking, folks weren't comfortable around him. He is unable to drink past a couple of beers without being a turd. So Lynn spent many a night under the bridges of Lincoln, NE when his drinking controlled him.

Seems drinking has always clouded progress for most of my siblings and it never makes our life easier. We grow most when we try to live without alcohol or drugs.

Maybe being homeless for a while was Lynn's saving grace. The various odd jobs he was able to snag never gave him enough money to buy both alcohol and cigarettes. Maybe being homeless for a while helped him decide that drinking more than a couple of beers just wasn't worth the solitude it brought him and it sure didn't help him find a job.

I guess it was lucky (or God) for me that my brother was unable to find stable employment in Lincoln because when my back surgery was scheduled last year, I called him and asked him if he would come to our home and help me during my recovery. He proved to be an excellent caregiver and a great cleaner!! He even surprised my husband with how easy he was to have around. (Not sure what my husband expected.)

Too much history? I thought maybe it would define the bigger picture Lynn's life has been in. It has been a rough life and through most of it he has never been on his own. Independent. For the first time he has this opportunity. He needs a guardian, still, and I guess I have now taken on that responsibility. I don't mind. Maybe I can make up for my past failures with other family members. I pray that God will guide me to be a blessing and not a bad example.

So, again, who woulda thought?

Out of all of us kids, Don was most able to care for the family home with his skills in construction, maintenance and his wife's skill as a bookkeeper. But they left the home in worst repair than when he moved in. Screens trashed, smells, garbage in two rooms and under deck, ruined carpets and some cheap floor changes. And they bolted from Ogallala, leaving a trail of debt. I took care of the house insurance but the rest is their responsibility. When we learned of Lynn's homeless status, I asked Don if he could move into the upstairs room. No. I've begun to see Don's abandonment of the family home as an asset, now. If Don hadn't of moved back to AZ, Lynn wouldn't have a place to call home.

Mark died before ever getting a chance to try living in the family home.

And me? I am unable to maintain the family home. I am a very poor woman and my husband is ok with helping out with some minor things but does not want to be involved any more than that. He prefers his own empire to care for. Should he leave this life before me, then I would probably move back home. It's the only home that my name is on. It was Mom's gift to her children.  

So Lynn has been chosen. Mom would never have chosen Lynn. She may have thought he could not handle the responsibility. She would be so surprised and proud of this son that she was often embarrassed by. The way she would want the home looked after is the way Lynn will look after it. 

God chose Lynn. All the unpredicted doors opened to make this possible. He was homeless. He now has a home. No food for it, yet. But I have faith that, too, will be taken care of before this week is out. And work?

My brother got a job! He put in so many applications and was  beginning to feel discouraged when the call came in for an interview. He did a little happy dance and was so excited!

He is working in housekeeping for one of our local motels. When he went in for his interview, we noticed that there were a couple of other fellas working in housekeeping, so he didn't feel alone. They hired him on the spot and encouraged him to work up to cleaning 5 rooms a day, with the possibility that he could add hours, later, doing minor maintenance work.

He has worked four days now and they have already praised him for his cleaning skills! He reached a 5 room day his second day of work! Thank you, Lord!

I'm thinking I will be relieved to finally have the family home cleaned and occupied and Lynn settled in with a job and a budget to live on. I will look forward to being there for him and watching him live as he has never lived before. Maybe now I can turn my focus, elsewhere ... like some garage sales to get rid of all my 'stuff', a trip to Bear Butte, a husband that is retiring by June .... yep, life goes on and this is just the living we all cling to!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

WHY LIE?

WHY LIE?

I wish I could say I've never lied.
Or could promise to never again.
I wish no one would have lied,
Or faked being my friend.
But when it is family telling lies,
The heart is broken from within.
And the trust, most sacred, dies!
And where do we begin again?













February full moon and traffic on Hwy 26 make for a dancing light show in previous picture and this above picture shows the lights in more real time.




How is it that things can change in a moment? I got drunk on March 1st! It was a very determined act of ... stupidity! I was angry and disappointed and had a totally 'screw this' moment!

I had been missing my baby brother, Don, and his family and feeling guilty that I had not taken more time in the four years they lived as caretakers of Mom's home, to cultivate a closer relationship. I was mooning over the question if it was too late to recoup SOME kind of relationship now that they had moved back to Globe, AZ since the weekend after Valentine's Day. But on March 1st I went into our local insurance office to pay on car insurance and get Mom's house insurance changed from my brother Don's care to my care. So, I pay the car insurance. House insurance had lapsed since Jan 8th!!! I suddenly wasn't missing my baby brother and his family anymore! I was livid! Shaken! SLAMMED! Shit!!!

Great day to get drunk! Who wants to stay sober anyway? It doesn't stop the world from stealing my joy! It gives me a moment of sheer ... WHO GIVES A SHIT! ... before the hangover takes over and I'm holding my head and crying for mercy! AND when sober is back ... the brokenness is still hurting. Getting drunk didn't solve a darn thing!

I tried to get a hold of my brother but he didn't return my calls/texts until today. Here it is, four days later ...  and he calls. Finally. He tells me the insurance was paid. I ask for proof of payment. Should be easy to prove, right? But I know the truth. Sad.

Today, it doesn't matter anymore. I will do what needs to be done. I will re-insure my Mom's home and help my brother Carl settle in. Yep, my homeless brother will finally have a place to lay his head. He will become the new caregiver of our Mom's gift.

We've spent the last few days cleaning the upstairs. I really HATE cleaning up after smokers. But Carl and I have scrubbed the walls, ceiling, and floors and the lack of respect for Mom's home is washed clean! The brightly painted walls, that brother Don actually painted, looked awesome.

I've enjoyed working on our family home with brother Carl. He is such a hard worker and cleans well. It is the first step of many. Get the house ready for his care. Then/and apply for gainful employment so that he can maintain ... survive ... live as best he can as the new care giver of our family home.

One brother exits in a most complicated way, only to run when things don't go his way. Another brother moves in to succeed where one gave up. God gave each an assignment. Each chooses according to the way their heart beats.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

CoPYcAt

So,
You want a copycat,
Someone who acts like you,
Thinks like you,
Moves like you,
Is even skinny like you.
I thought you liked my way.
This way is better, you say?
"That's not the right way,"
I'd hear another day.
And "I don't like that," you'd lament,
As I'd think, "I don't want to relent!"
Then you'd decide to define,
Explaining, "this is all mine,
You're here on my time,"
You'd always say.
Never aware of my dismay.
So,
Each day I'd disappear,
And the days turned into a year,
And much more time came with much more fear.
On the outside is the shell,
The copycat you trained so well.
But the inside is dead,
While the shell is misread.
For the one you once loved,
No longer believes in that love.
All has died and turned black,
You forgot I was part of the pact.
Did you ever even want just me?
What happened to being unique?
So,
The things I do now your way,
Most of which clashed with my way.
When you cancel one,
The balance is undone.
But all this you knew.
Claiming unbalance creates anew.
While one is weak,
You take your training seat,
Breaking down the rest,
Until your copycat is confessed.
Soon,
I will be complete,
Another you is quite a feat.
Congratulations!
I'm your copycat.
 



Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Coffee Break Series #3 ~ LOVE






February is celebrated as the LOVE month. Valentines Day is one of my favorite holidays and 'Love covers a multitude of sin' is one of my favorite quotes. But this February, I'm not in a celebratory mood. This year, love hurts.

I'm missing my daughter and her family. Not having my kids within hollering distance hurts. There was a time when I couldn't wait for my kids to grow up and start out on their own life journey. What was I thinking!

I must remember that my husband is missing ... too. Sure we can call and he is so much better at this than I am. He calls his Mom and son nearly every week. I don't like to talk on the phone. I do like the internet media tools. I appraise him of family news that I read from posts to Facebook. I guess, together, we can keep in touch and shorten the miles now between everyone.

It's just not the same.

I will adjust. This hurt will pass. I can still love from afar.

And another family member moved away from this Ogallala hometown. My baby brother, Donny, and his family moved back to Arizona last weekend. He came back to Ogallala .... and after nearly 4 years, they just weren't happy here. So he and his wife, Rose, and grandson, Nick, loaded up the moving truck and went back to be near son, Ryan and family. I sooooo understand the desire to be nearer one's kids/grand kids!

I regret I didn't show more love to my baby brother while he was here. It's a two way street that neither of us worked too hard at traveling. But I'm the big sister and should have been an example. Is it too late? Maybe for a face to face coffee break, but the miles apart should never hold love at bay. Right?!

So, the town of Ogallala has shrunk by two families dear to me. My personal world has shrunk to two. Hm ...

Well, it's just you and me bud!
My best friend of 27 years.
I love you, my husband,
And instead of so much fear,
That all this change demands,
And instead of holding hurt dear,
I turn to you , my husband,
And look to draw near,
And on growing love stand,
That may shed a few tears,
But with no repremands,
Because it's you and me, dear.
Let's strike up the band,
And love up the rest of our years.



I had to take another picture of my coffee mug, showing the picture on either side of the quote. The self-potrait is photo of my husband and I, taken not long after we got married. One of our wedding gifts was the 'Together' Willow Tree figurine, also pictured here. On the tag that labels the figurine is this note:

For those who have found their true partner in love and life.

I believe I have been blessed with my warrior, my friend, my true partner and together we are growing in love and life. We've endured much, stumbled often and even gotten lost a few times. Our opposites seem to pull us back together to make us stronger. Through it all, LOVE is the key. ...and adventure!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

DISMANTLING CHRISTMAS

Why is this year any different from Christmas's past?
Is my heart any heavier?
Decorations are usually left til New Year's Day,
But not this year.
This year I'm ready to put them away.

So all the boxes to fill,
Are brought up from the basement,
And down go the stockings off the chimney,
And down go memories collected over the years,
Of what Christmas means to me.

The various nativity scenes,
Remind me of the reason we celebrate.
Santa of my childhood years,
Has been replaced with Baby Jesus,
And in some way softened all my fears.

The many trees placed about the room,
Fill me with smiles.
Lots of decorated trees make the season fun.
Some gifted, made and bought,
And I remember the history of each one.

As I carefully sort and paper wrap,
And put everything that says Christmas away,
A lump settles in my throat,
And tears threaten to fall.
I really feel like such an old goat!

Every year this gets harder.
Not because the world's Christmas greed has grown,
But more the changes that each Christmas holds,
When young hope sees such a bright light.
But that light seems to dim when we get old.

Most of my decorations are children geared.
As I put them to rest for another year,
I wonder if they'll be brought out anymore.
There are no children regularly in this home now,
No little hearts to Christmas adore.

Seems silly to adorn with teddy bears,
And Sesame Street ornaments,
When no little one's are here to enjoy.
Maybe I'll change the scheme next year,
To fit our growing envoy.

Maybe I'll pack away those ornaments,
That carry special memories of each little heart,
That has graced our home over the years.
Then give these memories to each loved one,
To decorate their own homes with Christmas cheer.

This years heavy heart is due to change.
One day these Christmas's will come no more for me.
I should relish that the season doesn't crash my soul anymore,
That I've worked hard to make the season special,
So my little ones never opened a despairing memory door.

I should glow in the blessing I find in each new Christmas season.
It is a season of great Hope,
And charges the soul with so much love,
If one can keep focused on what is important,
Which is in the Greatest Gift from Above.

New Year's Day is five days away,
Early is this year's Christmas dismantling.
I'm ready to pack away all the sparkle and brass,
And open up space in this home full of change.
I'm ready to let go and in this years memories bask.

We survived the doomsday predictions,
So 2013 is on it's way in, maybe....
But whatever the path God has laid before us,
It will unfold rather we want it to or not,
As I close the last box and pack away Christmas.

Thursday, October 25, 2012




I Took A Bite Of That Apple To See

I took a bite of that apple to see,
That you were naked in front of me.
'Thou shalt not eat of the Tree of Knowledge,
Such beauty unfolded in the fruit and foliage.
I did not plan to deceive you,
But how could I be without you?
One can only relate to what is known,
And with experience one is grown.
So why plant a tree,
And then say "Let it be?"
Why tempt one You know is weak,
By refusing not to speak,
And giving all the facts?
A test. What the hell is that?
Especially when You know all the answers,
Yet expect all the respect, my Lord, Sir?
Why create only to destroy,
Why use life like Your favorite toy?
In my quest to know all these whys,
I ate of that tree to try,
To understand it's reason for being,
And feel all that I knew You were seeing.
But I only found you innocent and naked,
My love, my life became most sacred.
Yes I'd do it all over again,
Be found naked and walking in sin,
To always be with you, my friend.
That Garden of Eden,
Was only created for two,
Yet now our souls combined in one anew.
In a love so innocent,
To withstand that banishment,
From perfection to Resurrection,
The toil becomes the dream,
And Beauty isn't what it seems.
Sometimes it can even be cruel,
To plant a tree and try to fool,
With restrictions set,
You sit and cast the net,
Knowing full well we would fall,
And never have a chance at all,
To live in a maintenance free Garden,
With You as our Warden.
That tree is the reason,
Our life is now for a season.
A brief time to walk the planet,
And destroy all that is on it.
In our quest to know all the whys,
We fall and live only to die.
We will never understand all Your ways,
But You give us a Hope to soften our short stay.
I took a bite of that apple to see,
That you were naked in front of me.

Sandra K. Harrison
Copyright pending 

Sunday, September 30, 2012

I'm Trying Not To Be Afraid

How does one quell the knot of fear,
That ball of gall,
A total in trepidation,
Of the unknown,
And the known,
The path determined?
I feel good right now.
I know it won't last.
But do I really need surgery?
Will it heal or make worse,
My present lumbar nightmare?
I don't know what else to do.
Seems time is not my friend.
Each year I lose a freedom,
Each year the shots work .... only 2-3 months,
Then pain,
And more pain,
And electrical shocks down the leg,
And that chicken walk,
Making me look like a manikin.
So I'm taking the plunge,
And trusting a surgeon,
To restore my quality of life,
For what remains to be,
My most challenging season.
Tomorrow is surgery.
Yikes!!!
Tonight is a full Harvest Moon.
Truly beautiful!
Sitting on the motel bed,
Drinking lots of water,
And trying not to dread.
But how does one quell the knot of fear?
Even believing God is near,
This ball of gall,
Not wanting to go through this at all,
But not wanting to continue deteriorating.
No more waiting.
This is really the best time.
And praying it won't be my last day here,
That something unpredictable,
Would end my life completely.
No more complaining,
Nor would I get done that pile left behind!
No,
This is not a good time to be pulled away.
Praying this surgery will work.
And for the recovery to be quick.
I do trust that God has this all under control,
And I'm ready to roll.
But along with the choice,
The Trust,
The desire to live life in fullness ....
How do I quit feeling afraid?

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

BRILL ANNUAL CAMP OUT AT LAKE MAC






I wish I could remember exactly how many years the Brill's and I have met to camp on the beach of Martin Bay located on the North side of Lake McConaughy. I am blessed to have spent most of my life near this lake, which is Nebraska's largest man made lake. Though blessed to live near, I've not utilized it's gifts as often as I can. In fact, over the years, regular visits to this lake have streamlined to just this annual camp out with the Brill's. I guess while my life ebbs and flows around constant change, this annual Brill camp out has kept me grounded to some things I take for granted, such as this beautiful lake nearby to play at.

We always meet in August and usually near Mark's birthday. I think one year he told his family he wanted to go camping at Lake Mac for his birthday and they did ... and they've been coming ever since. In those early years, when our kids were all still in school, we had quite a group that would gather. But over the years, the number of campers that gather has dwindled down to most of the Brill family, my daughter (all grown up now), with her family, and a couple of ole time regulars, myself and Gary, who comes here from Lincoln, NE. Mark and Co's sons, Jeremy and Kyle will also drive from their apartment in Lincoln for this years camp out. The last couple of years, Tanya Brill's 'family'; Cody and her dog, Kilo, and her friend, Becka, and her dog, Kira, have joined our camping clan. This year, Becka would bring an awesome tree climber, Mo. No matter who shows up ... it is always a super group of folks!

This year's camp out was held August 10-12. I believe Mark picks the weekend that coincides with the Perseid meteor shower since it seems to be the constant in our camping memories.

So ... on 08-09-12:

Tanya, Cody and Kilo arrived at my home early Thursday evening and after debating if they would spend the night or set up camp ... we all headed to the lake to stake out our camp sites. With Martin Bay nearly empty of water this year, we would have lots of beach to choose from.

This summer of 2012 will go down in weather history as the hottest and driest year for most of the United States. Nebraska alone broke temperature records this year with long running stretches of 3 digit temps. This years heat wave and lack of moisture, played a big part in the near empty Martin Bay. Last year we had no beach to camp on and listened to waves lapping outside our tent doors. This year, water front camping would be without shade and difficult to get to without a four wheel drive.

The choice was easy. We didn't want to camp by the water without shade trees. So to the trees ... oh, and a restroom had to be near for this old woman's needs, though not required. I have been known to pack a port-a-potty to avoid getting lost in the dark trying to find the potty house. This year, I brought my chamber pot. Ever seen one of them? No? You're too young then.

What a beautiful night! We set up our tents, quickly, before it got dark. No bugs or mosquito's! That was nearly more awesome than the sunset I took a picture of. I don't remember a time camping WITHOUT mosquitoes or bugs trying to ruin the experience! It was awesome and we marveled at that. Little did we know, that Sat night would bring about a change!

Cody started a fire pit and Tanya worked on bringing supplies into camp. When I left to go finish my lake packing, Cody had joined Tanya in retrieving their camping supplies. I left them to a peaceful, calm, beautiful night on Lake Mac and headed home to get some sleep. I planned on rising early to finish gathering, packing and hauling the rest of my camp gear to the lake.

Actual 1st day of camp out, 08-10-12:

After a fitful night of sleep, I rose about 5:30 am, brewed my morning tea, then settled in to my morning Bible reading and prayer time. When I finished my meditation time and turned on my cell phone, a message popped up from Tanya. Cody had locked the keys in her vehicle last night. I had to chuckle. That was usually my trick. I added hanger and pliers to my list of stuff to bring out. Then I called her to make sure they'd be fine until I made it back out.
Took time to take a shower since it was gona probably be the only one in a few days. Packed up my lake wear and was then ready for a cup of coffee.

Once I put on the coffee water, I went into high gear. Or at least as high a gear as my back would allow me. My back seemed better after the Dr had cemented the compressed L1 that I had fractured trying to move a desk over a month ago. But the worsened L4-L5 region was plaguing me with constant pain and electrical shock like jabs into my right butt cheek and down my right leg! In spite of my pain, I was determined to continue on and do ... Besides, I couldn't sit for long, stand for long, lay down for long and when I moved, it hurt ALL THE TIME. I really couldn't NOT do because it hurt, so doing, which in this case was preparing for camping and then camping, in the midst of pain, had to be. I had my doctor appointments in and relief wouldn't come until after this camping weekend. So .... grin and bear it? I knew camping was far better than moaning around the house, feeling sorry for myself!

After several breaks and lots of painful WORK, all was gathered for my family to carry and load. I was already in so much pain just gathering, no way I would be able to load it without help. This was really a bummer for me. And as the weekend wore on, I would finally surrender and determine this camping trip, at least this primitive camping, would be my last. It will take a miracle back repair to ever make this possible again. And relying on others, no matter how much they love you, to load and carry ALL that I pack is not fair to them.

Kids and grand kids arrived at 11 am to load up the car. I then ran errands in town and filled up the cooler before finally heading out to the lake by early afternoon.

I enlisted Tanya and Cody's help to unload the heavy stuff I brought and I made the SEVERAL PAINFUL steps, carrying all I had packed and thought necessary. Why couldn't I just take the bare minimum? :/

Oh, and those keys that got locked in Tanya's car? Well, after trying a few other alternatives, like road assistance ... the kids finally got the car door opened with that hanger and pliers I didn't forget to bring out. :)

While we were unloading my car, the rest of the Brill troupe arrived and then a mass flurry of unpacking and setting up camp began.


Look I already have visitors! :)

This was my living quarters that weekend. The tent, seen above, was stocked with a twin air mattress, piled with 4 quilts, 3 blankets, 3 body pillows, 3 reg pillows, 2 throw pillows and then 3 separate bags for all I thought I would need. 1 for my lake wear, 1 for my books and Nook and Nintendo DS and the like, and 1 for my bathroom stuff that had to be small enough, and easy, to haul up to bathroom when needed. The awning provided shade for my outdoor space and looks it's best in the above picture. Later in the weekend, it would .... well, read on and find out.

It took me til near sundown to get my camping space in order. I had to take breaks when the pain in my back was beyond bearable and probably should have taken more breaks than what I did ... ok, ok, I should NOT have hauled sooooo much out but doubt that would have made much difference, either. What I brought to my camp was not new. I've ALWAYS hauled a lot AND loved it. But I physically have ChANgEd! I'm nearly 60 now and in the last 4 years, my back has progressed from a broken tail bone to this constant pain in the lower lumbar region, that I'm told, is due to the consequences of my fall in 2008, the recent compression fracture didn't help and the normal aging process. Screw aging if it takes away my favorite activities! I understand now why some old folks are darn grumpy! I was grumpy from the time I got my camp up (surly not before?!) til .... 

Anyway, camp was up and I was making my rounds visiting everyone's camp spot.

Mark and Co had gotten into a little tiff about where to place their sleeping tent. My dear friend, Co, is really not the camping type when it comes to bugs and non-FUNCTIONING restrooms and so, bless her, she comes camping anyway but requires a bathroom close by. For her, CLOSE by, is just a few paces from the tent. For Mark, a half a block away did not seem unreasonable. My dear friend, Mark, loves to celebrate his birthday with camping and has a mind-set on how he wants to place the tents. So, for a bit, it was uncomfortable, with many of us offering our two bits to fuel the flame. Eventually, as they have for years, Mark and Co finally reached a compromise, which included Tanya moving their tent next to Becka and Mo's, whom had arrived just before the tent location debate. We wouldn't learn, until a day later,  where the kids relocated to, in between the protection of two old cottonwoods,would be a much safer spot.

By sundown, everyone had their spot set up and Jeremy and Kyle began working on the fire pit. I was impressed with each personalized camp spot I visited. The Annual Brill Camp Out had begun!


Shel and Patrick and grandson, Corban, arrived in time for sundown and supper. They weren't going to set up their camp until tomorrow. Gary arrived during the tent debate and without a tent of his own. This was his first year NOT camping. He had a motel room to retreat to. By Saturday night, Gary's motel room would be remembered as the best place to be when it storms. Storms? What? We were experiencing one of the DRIEST years, remember?!

Becka's back, Mo's legs, Tanya and Kilo standing, Cody sitting and Kiana's back at his feet. In the distance, is Jeremy's truck and camp.

To the left is Tanya, Cody and Kilo's digs. To the right is Becka, Mo and Kira's digs. Whose Kira? She's a white, with black speckles, pit bull that is taking a nap in their tent during this shot.

Below, the best fire pit ever! Brothers, Jeremy and Kyle Brill, were the fire pit bosses.

Supper time was a fend for yerself time. So everyone broke into their coolers and supplies and soon each had feasted on what they found. Then we sat around the campfire watching for some of those Perseid meteors until one by one we disappeared into our tents. Except Gary ... he had the motel room, remember?      

08-11-12

Far left, that lil dark green tent and behind the two far left cottonwood trunks were the compromised locations of Mark and Co's tents. Nestled in between those six cottonwood trees, is where my lil camp site rested. The screened food tent was located mid ground, between all the camp sites. Far right, is part of Tanya and Cody's condo.

I shoulda moved over a bit in this shot to catch Jeremy's campsite. Or I could have set my camera to panorama to try and catch the whole camp site. This year we were spread out more than years past.


Woke Saturday morning around 5:30 am. I wasn't as sore as I feared I would be when I went to bed after
11 pm. When I trudged up to my tent, from last nights campfire, I hurt so bad I just wanted to crawl into bed and cry! After adjusting all the pillows, propping here and stuffing a pillow there, I finally settled in and fell asleep. Again, it was a fitful sleep but sleep I did. It was a beautiful morning. Cool and partly cloudy.
Took some campsite shots but didn't capture the whole camp in one shot as spread out as we all were.



Good morning Mark! And look who's keeping you company, Kira. This is the only picture I got of the camp from this angle ... before this day was done, those tents in the background and that awning in this picture would be no more ....

Anyway ... put my camera in that lawn chair (remember this for later) and got my propane camper stove up to heat a tea pot of water for my regular morning hot cup of green tea. Went to my picnic basket and got out some tableware and boxed cereal. To the cooler for some milk and a lemon coffee cake I picked up at the deli. (Sometimes fixing the food for a camp out is just too much. Thank heavens for deli's!)  By then tea pot was whistling.

Hot tea in hand, I retreated to my tent, to a comfy spot on my air bed, and with pillows propped up behind me, I took a moment for my morning meditation. I don't always do this when I'm away from home but this seemed like a good morning to reflect on my Lord and His Blessings. Sometimes, I don't feel like doing this and with my painful back reminding me the Greatest Healer of All had not blessed me with relief, it can feel like a waste of time. Seems if one prays and meditates to hear an answer and the answer doesn't come ... might be easier to just quit. What's the use ... but I believe and so I just cling to that, even when the pain is still so great. Nothing good comes from focusing on my pain so on that morning, I reveled in where I was. I was camping on the beach of Lake McConaughy. There I was, blessed beyond compare. A camp full of people I dearly loved. Focusing on that, I knew I could endure and while waiting for God, the Greatest Healer, the Lord Almighty, to hear my prayers, I could value His gift in this gathering of friends and family. 

6:30 am and I grabbed my bathroom bag and headed up the sand hill behind my tent to the restroom. On the jaunt to the restroom, I stopped and watched the rising sun as it spread out rays that would weave in and out of the cloud cover. After all the heat we had endured, this cool, cloud cover, with splashes of the rising sun reaching out was quite refreshing. It made me want to sing, so I did. I sang my
'This is the day the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. ...'
morning song to the sunrise.

By the time I had gotten back to camp and put on another tea pot of water for my instant coffee, folks were starting to stir. I thought of em as early risers but then I remembered they were all from CST. So to them, my 7 am is 8 am. Not early after all. :) Jeremy was already in the food tent rustling up another camp stove to heat up some water for coffee.

I grabbed my lemon coffee cake and added it to their breakfast buffet they were setting up in the food tent and settled in by the fire to eat my breakfast. Gary arrived from his motel room in town, with a paper and coffee. I would smile and remember that even when he camped, he would run into town that 1st morning up and grab a paper and coffee and return to camp just as the rest of us would be up heating our coffee water.

The rest of the morning was spent just hanging out around the campfire, sweeping sand out of my tent and re-organizing my camp site or brief visits to various camp sites. 

Around mid day a game sheet and teams were drawn up and an area raked and cleared and made ready for some game time. Under a cloudy sky, our horse shoe and rope golf tournament began. Shel, Patrick and Corban arrived about this time and set up their tent and joined in on the games.

Right off the bat, the red rope balls got stuck in the tree branch. First, we tried the 'up on brother Kyles shoulders' to try and reach those balls. Whose balls were those, anyway? I was glad Gary did this first, because I was positive I would have, when my turn came up. :)

When the balls were still out of reach, Mo, showed us his talent at tree scrambling, which must be done with bare feet and a cigarette hanging from the mouth. The balls were retrieved and Mo was our hero. The games resumed!  


I played, I lost and then I got to sit and join the cheering section.

We played games until mid afternoon when the sun broke through and it suddenly became unbearably hot! Time to get into the water. We loaded up into the Schellpeper Jeep and Jeremy Brill's awesome truck and drove to the beach. My back was soooooo appreciative. If we had hiked, as slow as I was walking, by then, I would have just made it to the water by the time the swimmers were headed back to camp. :/

To the beach!


I don't know how long we played in the water before we drove back to camp, but it was long enough to cool us off and sooth some dogie paws. The beach sand and frequent sambers were making the paws of Kilo and Kira raw and sore. Last year, Kilo's paws had even started bleeding. To avoid bloody paws this year, Tanya and Cody ran into town and bought a package of baby footie's. I wish I would have taken a picture of their paws in those socks! :) It sure helped.

Once refreshed, we headed back to camp. Saturday night was going to be our communal supper. On the menu was:  baked white & sweet potatoes, grilled steaks, corn on the cob, potato salad (my contribution), calico beans (also my contribution) and watermelon (again, I brought the melon). Once in the camp, the cooks engaged in supper preparations while watching the sky. There was even a corn shucking circle.

Supper preparations were moving along and so was an impending thunderstorm that loomed closer over the northwestern sky.  I hadn't even finished preparing the sweet potatoes before Patrick announced to the camp that the storm we were watching was heading right for us! From his smart phone and it's radar, we could see that we weren't in the middle of the path, more on the edge but we were definitely alerted. I put the potatoes aside and started securing my camp site.

From the food tent, Jeremy had turned up the radio and Josh Mackey, a local radio announcer, was alerting the public to the impending storm and it's path and the possibility of 1 1/2 inch hail and 70 mph winds. Once Jeremy turned down the radio the whole camp went into high gear and secured all they could. When we thought we had everything tucked and packed, some of us went back to food preparation and others sat around the fire pit and watched the approaching storm.

I took my now seasoned and foiled sweet potatoes to add them to the rest for baking on the coals. For a bit I stood at the fire pit and watched the dark clouds as they moved closer and closer to us. I remember mentally pleading with the sky to take the storm around us. But when a slight breeze picked up, I headed to my camp site to lower a little shade umbrella so it wouldn't blow away. The awning? I thought about taking it down but ....    didn't. When I reached my tent and looked out over the bay to the west, I could see the HEAVY rain coming. The little water in Martin Bay was calm and still on our side of the bay but as the wall of rain approached the water behind it was churned with splashing. I wish I would have taken a picture. Instead I yelled, "HERE IT COMES! YOU CAN SEE THE RAIN COMING!"

Quickly, I lowered the little umbrella and just had time to grab my chairs and get them under the awning when the rain hit. Hard. It was a hard, near straight down rain. I pulled up my rug by my tent door and threw it under a table and jumped into my tent as quick as my back would let me. From inside the tent the rain was hard and heavy. I pulled things away from the tent walls to keep them dry, and tried to prop out the rain cover so the rain would drain away from the tent.

It was a good, wet, hard rain and I don't know how long it went on before it finally let up and we all clamoured out of our tents, laughing and checking on one another and our food that was still cooking. The Brill men had the meal protected under a slab of plywood, strategically placed and weighted over the fire pit of hot coals. Yep, the potatoes were still there and dry. :)

I began to shake things out so they could dry and my awning had big pools of water weighing down all four sides. I proceeded to push the canopy up, to spill the water out. Later, I would wish I left the heavy pools of water in it. The extra weight might have helped. Once I got my camp shook out, I went back to the fire pit and we sat around and laughed about what we just experienced, thinking we were done for the evening.

It was still sprinkling a bit and lightning and thunder were still rumbling but I was so sure we had missed the bullet by being on the edge of the storm. Just when I thought we could now focus on supper, the wind started blowing. A bit more than a breeze and darn me, I'd put that lil umbrella up again, so back to my camp I went to lower that umbrella down for the second time that evening. This time I had just got it lowered when ...  WHAM! BAM!

Wind hit me so hard I fell to the side on one of my lawn chairs. That awning took off,  straight up, like a rocket,  and then flipped sideways and crashed across the top of my tent. I yelled, "WATCH OUT, THE AWNING!!!", and scrambled over the lawn chair I had fallen against, to my tent, which was just getting ready to blow up and off. All the stakes on the west side were pulled up and out. I jumped on the threshold opening to the tent and sat down, at the same time, grabbing hold of the two tent poles on either side of the door and held on with all I had in me while the tent whipped away from me and acted, several times, like it was going to lift up and dump me out and fly off! 

How long did I sit on the threshold of my tent (on the outside of the zipped rain cover, mind you!), with my arms extended up and apart, with my hands gripping those tent polls and holding on for dear life! I was battered mercilessly by a heavy rain and sparks from the pit fire, directly west of my camp site, that Patrick and Shelby had dug and lit, just before the 1st storm wave. The fire had survived the first heavy rain and the kids had just stoked it after, what we thought was the end, of the rain. Luckily the sparks were not burning anything because the rain was too heavy and I have no idea when this storm wave put it out, but out it was when this wave passed. I wouldn't have been able to burn anyway as I was drenched within minutes and sitting in a pool of water, just inside the threshold of my tent ...  that was blowing near over by the force a steady slamming wind, with gusts that seemed equal to that of a hurricane! Ok ...I can be quite the drama queen. 

The wind and rain seemed to slam me forever. When I was able to see through the torrents of rain drenching me, and my tent was near prone to the ground, making the screened food tent visible. It looked like Jeremy and  Mark were trying to hold it and the tables that had the food, near ready, from all blowing away.

In fact, everyone that was in their tents, were bracing the west side of their tents against the violent wind.

I would learn later, that Kyle had taken refuge in Tanya and Cody's tent just seconds before the awning blew by the front of their tents, right after it had crashed into the tree that they set the tent behind. Co had just made it to her and Mark's tent, was zipping the door when the wind hit, It blew the tent right out of her hand.  She ran back to the food tent, right by me sitting and clinging to my tent and showed the fellas what was left of her tent. She was clutching a piece of one of the tent poles, all that was left, when it blew the tent upward and into the tree behind it.  As the storm raged on, Co then sought refuge in Tanya and Cody's tent.

Why didn't I just let go of my tent and seek refuge in one of the kid's tents?

Well, it was my husbands Cabela's tent. It would have been a real bummer losing his tent. That tent had history! Memories! It's been my camping tent for near 20 years. I also had my Nook, Nintendo DS, purse, and so much stuff!  I didn't want to lose in that tent or my stuff! (And I didn't think I had a materialistic bone in my body. Ha!) It seemed important, at the time, to just hang on and wait out the storm ... as long as my arms held out ... but, man, they hurt! And I started to shake. Shaking for me, with my back burning in pain ... not good. I wanted to cry. What a bummer!! We suffer all summer from hot, dry, 3 digit temps and on the ONE WEEKEND WE CAMP it storms like a hurricane!

When the lightning and thunder seemed to surround me I began to panic!! I was in a pool of water, holding onto metal tent poles and it was really lightning,  ...   BIG TIME!! Everyone, who know me, knows how terrified I am of lightning! I clamped my eyes shut and began praying profusely from that moment on!! I begged God to forgive me for all my sins that would wrought such a punishment by Mother Nature. I begged Him to protect all the campers. I prayed that no one would get struck by lightning and I was hoping He would include me in that request. I pleaded with Him to make the storm end because I wasn't sure how long I could hold on. And when the storm raged on, I began begging that He would help me endure.

Finally my arms were screaming at me to change position. As the storm still raged, I squirmed my way under the rain cover and in through the tent door that I had left unzipped so I could get in quick. I grabbed a blanket with one hand while still holding on to one tent pole, and stuffed it under me to absorb the building pool of water. I then worked my way into a standing position, on the inside of the tent, where I could then hold the tent poles, on either side of the door, with my arms lowered. FINALLY out of the rain! What a relief that was! And so ... there I stood, for who knows how long, until the storm lessened in intensity and then, finally abated.

WHEW!! I sat down on my soaked blanket and thanked the Lord that He finally moved the storm on. Before I could whine, I heard voices from Shel &  Patrick's tent and then voices from others as we all, once again, emerged from our tents and took stock of the storms damage.

Wow.

Mark and Co lost two tents. I lost my awning and by the Grace of God, it didn't injure someone. I took pictures the next morning because ... remember that lawn chair I put my camera in? Yep, it got rained on so I had to wait to use it. And THEN when it was all dry, I folded up that lawn chair and dropped my camera in the sand. The lens won't close now.

And that communal supper? I think I was in a daze. I don't remember eating and my potato salad, beans and melon never made it to the meal.

I do remember scrounging for tent stakes to re stake the west side of my saved tent. Then I went about shaking everything out. I hung the soaked blanket on a tree limb. Didn't have to worry about it blowing away as there was only a strong breeze lingering after that battering wind! The calm after the storm.

I remember changing out of my wet clothes and into layers of warmth. A long skirt, with leggings under and a sweat shirt and a blanket to wrap up in by the fire. Then I trudged back to the fire pit with a body pillow to put on my lawn chair I had drying by the fire. I wrapped the blanket around me, put my body pillow under me and laid on that chair ... close to the fire ... watching the clearing night sky for the meteor shower.

 I remember all the darn mosquitoes and bugs around the lanterns! From nothing at all before the storm, to hoards after! And I forgot my bug spray!

I remember being tired, cold, hurting ALL over and dazed. I may not have been struck by lightning but I sure felt zapped!

I went to bed after seeing at least one awesome falling star (I know it wasn't a falling star but still...) with my friend Co. Everything I read and posted to my Facebook wall, reported the Perseid shower would have 60-100 meteors an hour at it's peak. For those of us watching the skies that night, August 11 to after midnight August 12th ... we only saw about 6 - 8 an hour.

In years past, we use to lay on our lawn chairs, all eyes on the sky and two people had to see the 'falling star' to be able to count it. Seems there was a year we saw many but could only count more than 20.  60-100 an hour on that 'calm after the storm' night would have soothed my weary storm fighting bones. So, after one spectacular one that Co and I both saw, together, I headed painfully up to my tent. 

Off to bed. My tent was amazingly warm and dry and standing tall again. I loaned Mark and Co a pillow and blanket as they now choose to bunk in their vehicle.

And did anyone remember Gary? Gary disappeared that night and he never returned. I've yet to find out his side of this experience.

08-12-12 Sunday morning

My awning

See my green tent, WAY over there? Amazing how it is wedged in this tree.

Two tents lost from this direction. Only the tents that were manned, stayed in place. Note Patrick's tent here the morning after the storm. He and Shelby and Corban had a rough time holding their tent, together. Later,  he would cut up my broken awning and use some of the legs as stakes.
Now note the tent stake. And can you miss the contraption over the fire pit? No, we didn't try it. But it was interesting to try and come up with ways to salvage the pieces of what was once the awning. :)


Sunday morning I was up early after hardly sleeping. I had decided to stay on one more night. By now I was hurting so bad that I did not have the energy to pack up my camp. I was surrendering to the fact that this camping venture might be my last. And so I thought staying one more night would give me time to refresh and be more prepared to take down my camp ... one last time.

Breakfast was a creation of leftovers from Saturday nights stormy meal with french toast. I do remember eating breakfast and how good it was! Thank you, Jeremy! And anyone else that worked on that tasty treat!!

It was sad to watch the Brill troupe pack up and hit the road. What a sap I can be. It wasn't like I was never going to see them again. They are my second family, after all. But weathering the storm out together and all sharing the memory ... probably from very different perspectives but none-the-less, a bonding experience  and maybe a foreboding feeling that more change was coming made for the blues that Sunday morning. Change can be good. Change can be bad.  Next year I won't be primitive camping. And that really made me sad. :(

Good-byes were said and Shelby and Patrick and Corban also took off for town. So for a couple of hours, I was all alone, on the sandy beach at Martin Bay, listening to Mrs. Woodpecker feed her chicks and banter with a couple of other woodpeckers in the nearby cottonwoods. If it wouldn't have been for the biting flies, my time would have been very tranquil. And they were biting me with a vengeance! Only around the ankles ... why was that?
The Schellpeper clan returned. We loaded up the Jeep and drove over to a point where Martin Bay squeezes into the big lake. The wind had picked up, which kept the biting flies at bay. But the strong gusts  would send a whirlwind of sand blasting. Out on this point, we could avoid both the flies and the blowing sand.
After swimming and returning to camp, Patrick and Shel went home. They both had to work Monday. They left their tent up, re-staked with bigger stakes. Grand-daughter, Justice and friend Chloe and Grand-son Corban were going to camp out with Nana for her last night. Should have been a lot of fun right?


Sunday evening


The kids and I put together a picnic meal of all the things I had forgotten to contribute to the Brill communal meal. I was glad I camped one more day to use up most of my food supplies. :) So our picnic had;  potato salad, beans, ham sandwiches (for the kids), hummus/pesto sandwiches (for me) and chips with picante, pico de gallo, and french onion dips. It was truly a feast.

After we cleaned up our meal stuff, it was early evening and we changed into our suits again and hiked down to the water for a swim. At this point the attitudes of the girls began changing and from that time on they would be difficult. In all fairness, I, too, had an attitude that was becoming difficult. The constant pain in my back was making me one heck of a bitch! They could scamper off at a faster pace and I would complain. They wanted to swim longer and I complained. The walk back was long and full of whining from ALL of us. In spite of all that ... it was beautiful night for an early evening swim. Hardly any wind, the sun was setting majestically and it was the kind of night I would have wished ... one night earlier, minus the biting flies.

Once in camp, Chloe got a fire going in the fire pit and both girls worked on lighting the tiki lamps and citronella pails. They had little effect on those darn biting flies. But when it got dark enough, the flies quit biting. Do they go to sleep for the night?

Dusk was a good time to heat up some water and take a spit bath in my tent. Spit bath? Well, ya fill a tub or bucket with water hot enough to wash in. I put the tub (small one ... only big enough to put my feet in) on tent floor and pour water from a pitcher til about 1/4 full. Then, from the camp stove, I poured the hot water from the enamel coffee pot until it was the temperature I wanted. So, while sitting on a towel on the air bed and using a wash cloth, began washing from the face down. A bar of organic soap to clean with and a hand towel to dry off with. May not have been a shower but it still felt great to wash up, put on some lotion and put on clean lake wear for the night. Ahhhhhh ...

After getting cleaned up and the girls had returned to camp with some more water they retrieved from the water spigot off the north side of the restroom house, I heated more water on the camp stove for a hot foot soak. I added a few drops of lavender oil and some Mary Kay Foot Bath and soaked some of my tension away while watching the kids as they sat around the fire. My ankles were bleeding from all the fly bites so it was especially soothing to them!

The girls thought my spit bath idea was cool so they took turns taking their own baths in their tent, while I gave Corban his own spit bath right in front of my tent. He could stand in the middle of the tub while I soaped him up and rinsed him off. Who needs the luxury of a home tub and shower?

After the kids cleaned up and had on their night wear, the girls decided they wanted to try the foot soak, too. So we heated up more water and each had their own foot soak. I think this was kinda fun for them and made camping without showers a bit more manageable.

We sat around the fire and Corban told us his ghost stories that included snakes eating crocodiles. :) I tried to apologize to the girls for being so grouchy and that it wasn't all due to their attitudes as much as it was trying to deal with my back pain. I thanked them and especially, Chloe, for the times they did pitch in and help. I would never have gotten the fire going and without them hauling water to the camp, no foot soaks. So we ended our evening fairly early and put out the fire and off to our tents for a good nights sleep? 

08-13-12


Monday morning. What a cold morning! At least it kept the biting flies at bay. It was also a slow moving morning. I sat in my tent and drank a hot cup of green tea and read a page out of a prayer book I brought with me. (Anne Moore's 'Praying God's Word')  Then I just sat there, all snuggled on my pillow laden air bed and listened to the early morning sounds around Lack Mac. Seagulls were squealing and the breeze was gentle and cold. For just a moment, I felt totally content.

I grabbed my bathroom bag and trudged to the bathroom. I didn't feel any less pain, staying one more night, but I did feel refreshed.

Back in camp, I heated up some coffee water and retired to my tent, for what I believed would be the last time, and read a USA paper that Gary had left behind. Gary? I wondered what happened to him? For a brief moment, I got scared. What if he got hurt ... lost ... or ... ??? But no, surely he was ok. No news is good news, right?

Justice woke up sick. Sucks to pack and load when you feel crappy. Later she cut her foot, just digging her toes in the sand. Needless to say, it took forever to pack up everything. No one felt good. If someone wasn't  puking, running to the crapper all the time, or bemoaning a back that was driving them (me) to want to DRINK, then they were making others miserable with constant complaining.

It was such a relief to get everything packed up, loaded and back home. The first thing I did was jump in the shower and run hot water for a long, long time down my back.

Next year, for the Brill Camp Out, I will be in a camper.
Or a cabin by the lake.

Good bye primitive camping.
Years of memories of good times.
I've grown old camping in a tent.
In spite of the biting flies that made my ankles bleed,
In spite of attitudes that made me swear,
In spite of back pain from hell,
I'll miss the feeling tent camping can bring,
When you wake to seagulls squealing,
And a calm, gentle lake breeze.
In spite of Justice cutting her food on trash in the sand,
In spite of family feeling sick from who knows what,
In spite of the hassle to load my camp gear up,
I'm glad I spent one more night out.
Now I'm ready.
Good bye primitive camping.