WHY LIE?

WHY LIE?

I wish I could say I've never lied.
Or could promise to never again.
I wish no one would have lied,
Or faked being my friend.
But when it is family telling lies,
The heart is broken from within.
And the trust, most sacred, dies!
And where do we begin again?













February full moon and traffic on Hwy 26 make for a dancing light show in previous picture and this above picture shows the lights in more real time.




How is it that things can change in a moment? I got drunk on March 1st! It was a very determined act of ... stupidity! I was angry and disappointed and had a totally 'screw this' moment!

I had been missing my baby brother, Don, and his family and feeling guilty that I had not taken more time in the four years they lived as caretakers of Mom's home, to cultivate a closer relationship. I was mooning over the question if it was too late to recoup SOME kind of relationship now that they had moved back to Globe, AZ since the weekend after Valentine's Day. But on March 1st I went into our local insurance office to pay on car insurance and get Mom's house insurance changed from my brother Don's care to my care. So, I pay the car insurance. House insurance had lapsed since Jan 8th!!! I suddenly wasn't missing my baby brother and his family anymore! I was livid! Shaken! SLAMMED! Shit!!!

Great day to get drunk! Who wants to stay sober anyway? It doesn't stop the world from stealing my joy! It gives me a moment of sheer ... WHO GIVES A SHIT! ... before the hangover takes over and I'm holding my head and crying for mercy! AND when sober is back ... the brokenness is still hurting. Getting drunk didn't solve a darn thing!

I tried to get a hold of my brother but he didn't return my calls/texts until today. Here it is, four days later ...  and he calls. Finally. He tells me the insurance was paid. I ask for proof of payment. Should be easy to prove, right? But I know the truth. Sad.

Today, it doesn't matter anymore. I will do what needs to be done. I will re-insure my Mom's home and help my brother Carl settle in. Yep, my homeless brother will finally have a place to lay his head. He will become the new caregiver of our Mom's gift.

We've spent the last few days cleaning the upstairs. I really HATE cleaning up after smokers. But Carl and I have scrubbed the walls, ceiling, and floors and the lack of respect for Mom's home is washed clean! The brightly painted walls, that brother Don actually painted, looked awesome.

I've enjoyed working on our family home with brother Carl. He is such a hard worker and cleans well. It is the first step of many. Get the house ready for his care. Then/and apply for gainful employment so that he can maintain ... survive ... live as best he can as the new care giver of our family home.

One brother exits in a most complicated way, only to run when things don't go his way. Another brother moves in to succeed where one gave up. God gave each an assignment. Each chooses according to the way their heart beats.