I'm Trying Not To Be Afraid

How does one quell the knot of fear,
That ball of gall,
A total in trepidation,
Of the unknown,
And the known,
The path determined?
I feel good right now.
I know it won't last.
But do I really need surgery?
Will it heal or make worse,
My present lumbar nightmare?
I don't know what else to do.
Seems time is not my friend.
Each year I lose a freedom,
Each year the shots work .... only 2-3 months,
Then pain,
And more pain,
And electrical shocks down the leg,
And that chicken walk,
Making me look like a manikin.
So I'm taking the plunge,
And trusting a surgeon,
To restore my quality of life,
For what remains to be,
My most challenging season.
Tomorrow is surgery.
Yikes!!!
Tonight is a full Harvest Moon.
Truly beautiful!
Sitting on the motel bed,
Drinking lots of water,
And trying not to dread.
But how does one quell the knot of fear?
Even believing God is near,
This ball of gall,
Not wanting to go through this at all,
But not wanting to continue deteriorating.
No more waiting.
This is really the best time.
And praying it won't be my last day here,
That something unpredictable,
Would end my life completely.
No more complaining,
Nor would I get done that pile left behind!
No,
This is not a good time to be pulled away.
Praying this surgery will work.
And for the recovery to be quick.
I do trust that God has this all under control,
And I'm ready to roll.
But along with the choice,
The Trust,
The desire to live life in fullness ....
How do I quit feeling afraid?