I was awakened this morning by music. My husband's alarm is the TV coming alive at 5 am with music from Sirrus. He usually gets up and goes to the living room and turns the music down to softer tones that won't wake me. Not this morning.
This morning the music alerted me to the fact my husband was not home. He had called me yesterday, shortly after he was due home from work, to tell me he wouldn't be home for an undetermined amount of time as a nearby town was out of lights. I went to sleep last night listening to the howling wind and wondering how long my husband would be called out. I would find out later in the morning that he tried to come home around midnight but got stuck in 8 foot drift at beginning of drive. After digging himself out, he returned to catnap at his office before getting called out again. Some jobs suck when the weather is poopy.
The early morning light was just dawning. And by 6 am the dawning day reveals a heavy, wet, covering of snow and a wind so strong that it can still move that wet snow into billowing drifts, some near 8 foot high.
Mom's car, that I had left parked outside the garage in the beautiful spring weather just days before, was drifted in. This left no doubt that I was snowed in and, no doubt, my husband was snowed out. I reconfirmed this when I looked out to the highway that runs by our home and couldn't see the highway through the blowing snow.
I couldn't see the highway but I could see the headlights of a semi and the warning blinkers AND the fact the truck was not moving. Stalled? Stuck? Later it would be joined by five pick-ups, a white SUV, three more semi's and a snow plow. A traffic jam just outside my big picture window, on a rural highway, with blinding, blowing snow making it difficult to see if they were all stuck or just stalled.
It is now nearly seven hours later and snow is melting everywhere. The highway has been cleared of it's traffic jam and there are even a few cars trying to travel it now. Why don't they just take a snow day instead of fighting the wind, possible white outs, and risk getting stuck in remaining drifts?
What started yesterday, after I got home from a cleaning job and picking up grandson, as a beautiful, large flaked, snow quickly turned in to a blowing, blinding snow/rain blizzard that won out over spring during the night. Now ... sun is shining, blindingly so, and snow is melting faster than it can blow away. Spring is strutting her stuff again and I applaud her effort!
Yesterday, I listened to thunder amid the blizzard and today I listen to the heavy clumps of snow/ice slide off the roof and PLOP with a loud thud. I should go take some pictures and put em up. ... or just wrap my blanket more securely around me, and savor my hot chocolate with the day off that this spring blizzard has offered me.
No picture? Guess you know what I did instead, huh?
Friday, April 15, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Please Take The Gloom Away!
I'm ready for spring. Days of sunshine and evenings of thunderstorms. I look forward to all the brown being consumed in various shades of green and the splashes of color as the earliest spring buds bloom. Spring usually hales a brighter outlook and I can pack away the blues. But not this spring ...
The 9.0 magnitude earthquake and following Tsunami that hit Japan was heartbreaking to watch unfold and difficult to witness. The resulting nuclear impact is still being felt and will haunt the world for years to come. A mix of awe for the honorable way the Japanese people have tried to cope with such devastation and anger for the foolish faith in nuclear power and it's 'I told you so' danger. I can't imagine what horrors and strife the people of Japan are experiencing right now. It appears the rest of us may share some of the burden in the wake of this ongoing disaster. Only time will tell.
It seems the world news is full of crisis. So much angst.
Our government is in political chaos over our overwhelming budget woes and those of us who don't really get any say, have predictable fears that all the financial burden will fall square on the middle class, poor, elderly and less fortunate. What's the answer? I'm a peon ... a nothing, except for my ability to work so that my wage can be raped. No answers from me ... only pain.
So how does one find some sunshine when clouds abound?
With no plane to rise above the clouds,
And gas to search out the sun,
Is not worth the trade for food to feed my sons.
Turned on all the lights I could find,
But shadows are deeper than clouds,
And the light is nothing like the sun,
And not worth the trade for the health of my sons.
Even when the sun breaks out,
Here I sit in self made clouds,
Afraid of all made known in the sun,
And not worth the sacrifice felt by my son.
No one wants to believe in sunshine.
All faith is much like a cloud.
Here today but gone with the sun,
And then no reason to remember the Real Son.
The 9.0 magnitude earthquake and following Tsunami that hit Japan was heartbreaking to watch unfold and difficult to witness. The resulting nuclear impact is still being felt and will haunt the world for years to come. A mix of awe for the honorable way the Japanese people have tried to cope with such devastation and anger for the foolish faith in nuclear power and it's 'I told you so' danger. I can't imagine what horrors and strife the people of Japan are experiencing right now. It appears the rest of us may share some of the burden in the wake of this ongoing disaster. Only time will tell.
It seems the world news is full of crisis. So much angst.
Our government is in political chaos over our overwhelming budget woes and those of us who don't really get any say, have predictable fears that all the financial burden will fall square on the middle class, poor, elderly and less fortunate. What's the answer? I'm a peon ... a nothing, except for my ability to work so that my wage can be raped. No answers from me ... only pain.
So how does one find some sunshine when clouds abound?
With no plane to rise above the clouds,
And gas to search out the sun,
Is not worth the trade for food to feed my sons.
Turned on all the lights I could find,
But shadows are deeper than clouds,
And the light is nothing like the sun,
And not worth the trade for the health of my sons.
Even when the sun breaks out,
Here I sit in self made clouds,
Afraid of all made known in the sun,
And not worth the sacrifice felt by my son.
No one wants to believe in sunshine.
All faith is much like a cloud.
Here today but gone with the sun,
And then no reason to remember the Real Son.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
MaRcH ChEcKuP
The last month of winter. Spring tried to muscle it's way in early. The above picture was taken on a Monday near the end of February. The ice coating on everything gives the picture a surreal look. These ice diamonds would be gone by the middle of the week and the only reminder of an early thunderstorm that struck the Saturday evening before, coating everything in ice, would be a burned down cabin in the K-1 area on Lake McConaughy due to lightning.
Now here we are into our first week of March and waiting for an impending winter storm predicted to leave behind a few inches of snow. It is hard to have such warm spring like days sprinkled among days of slamming cold and snow, dashing our spring fevers. Or rather, I should say, giving us a raise in fevers. I mean, am I the only one that notices an increase of illness when we go through these yoyo days of warm and cold as ice?
Ok, I'm no weather woman or doctor so will steer my thot's to the progress, or not, of my New Year's resolutions.
So far, I have not had a drink since December 31st. More than two months alcohol free. I don't notice anything different. Maybe I should query my family and see if my not drinking has made any impact on them? Often the family is aware of issues long before the person mired in poor choices is willing to admit to any issues.
No sweets? After I finally threw away those Cherry Pull-A-Part Twizzlers, I can say I have not gorged on any candy for 16 days now. This has been much harder for me to lay down than the alcohol. I find myself wandering around the kitchen and opening and shutting cupboard and refrigerator doors. Looking and then telling myself I don't need anything. Nothing tastes good right now! I've been told to give this time and when I do crave something sweet I go for fruit. So far the fruit is working.
In this short phase of no sugar, I have become aware of something. During the months that I began gorging on sweets, I ate NO greens at home. Now that I'm making more salads and vegetable dishes, I find myself WANTING a good salad. I was addicted to the sweets and had no desire for greens. In fact, I was repulsed by a green leafy salad. Now isn't that crazy?
March is my month to add exercise to my changes. I have already begun walking around Ron's property with the grandson. This next week I will add Yoga and some upper arm weight lifting. I have to be aware of my injured back and so everything will be low key. I enjoy exercising but struggle with motivation. Sometimes I force myself into action because if I don't, I won't even try.
So, all I have done so far, is to quit drinking and no sugar gorging. I was at 164.5 pounds at the end of January with no alcohol. I now weight 161 pounds after no sugar gorging. My goal is 135 pounds. That's only 26 more pounds to go.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Try Try Again
If at first you don't succeed ... try, try again!
Damn! Ate two pieces of Cherry Pull-A-Part Twizzlers! Pieces, as in 2 strips that can be pulled apart to make several skinny, rope like, pieces. Guess this is so one can prolong the enjoyment? Me, I just eat em .. no pulling apart and wastin time!!
My ONLY consolation is that it was only two pieces. Normally, or rather abnormally, I polish off the whole package. Today I only ate two. The last two in the package. I have two more FULL packages in my desk drawer. I had intended to have ALL the packages consumed before the 15th. I was polishing off my Hershey's Cherry Cordial Kisses (8 packages of em) which I knew could not be left over or I'd succumb. I thought I could resist the temptation with the Twizzlers. Wrong!
I posted on my Facebook page, yesterday, that those darn Twizzlers were screaming at me from the desk drawer. Some suggestions were to throw them away. Outta sight, outta mind was part of one friends comment. I remember reading that and feeling a tug at my ... well ... whatever compulsions tug at, and throwing them away was the last thing I wanted to do.
Another friend suggested I give them away to the kids I Nanny. I did that yesterday. Those last two pieces was what was left. One of the reasons I'm doing a sugar cleanse for 6 months was to get away from corn syrup. Cherry Pull-A-Part Twizzlers are all corn syrup. Corn syrup is bad stuff, really. And addicting. Probably shouldn't give it to my little ones anymore, either, huh?
When I'm done posting this, I'm going to go get those packages from my desk drawer and throw them away and try again.
Damn! Ate two pieces of Cherry Pull-A-Part Twizzlers! Pieces, as in 2 strips that can be pulled apart to make several skinny, rope like, pieces. Guess this is so one can prolong the enjoyment? Me, I just eat em .. no pulling apart and wastin time!!
My ONLY consolation is that it was only two pieces. Normally, or rather abnormally, I polish off the whole package. Today I only ate two. The last two in the package. I have two more FULL packages in my desk drawer. I had intended to have ALL the packages consumed before the 15th. I was polishing off my Hershey's Cherry Cordial Kisses (8 packages of em) which I knew could not be left over or I'd succumb. I thought I could resist the temptation with the Twizzlers. Wrong!
I posted on my Facebook page, yesterday, that those darn Twizzlers were screaming at me from the desk drawer. Some suggestions were to throw them away. Outta sight, outta mind was part of one friends comment. I remember reading that and feeling a tug at my ... well ... whatever compulsions tug at, and throwing them away was the last thing I wanted to do.
Another friend suggested I give them away to the kids I Nanny. I did that yesterday. Those last two pieces was what was left. One of the reasons I'm doing a sugar cleanse for 6 months was to get away from corn syrup. Cherry Pull-A-Part Twizzlers are all corn syrup. Corn syrup is bad stuff, really. And addicting. Probably shouldn't give it to my little ones anymore, either, huh?
When I'm done posting this, I'm going to go get those packages from my desk drawer and throw them away and try again.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
No Sugar??
Today begins my sugar cleanse for six months. For 1/2 of this year I will not buy and consume Cherry Pull-A-Part Twizzlers or Hershey's Cherry Cordial Kisses and many other forms of sugar/corn syrup favorites. I will exempt yogurt and jello's, though limited, from my no sweets list. I love fruit so this, too, will help me replace my sweet craving. ... I hope.
Why am I doing this? I have been compulsively eating the above mentioned sweets for more than a year and the weight I've gained alarms me. (Duh!!) I can't fit into 3/4 of the clothes I have, and I have ALOT of clothes. I've posted in earlier blogs about my eating disorder and one of the panic triggers is weighing over 145 pounds. Well, I'm way over that!
Maybe my fear of following in my Mother's walk is prompting this sugar cleanse, too.
Mom battled morbid obesity beginning in the late 70's until today. Shortly after she divorced her third husband, Mom got involved with Weight Watchers and for a few years in the 80's she got back down to her knock out self. She never was a thin woman. She was more like a Marilyn Monroe build. But after a couple of years into her fourth marriage, she began to lose control again and ballooned over the years to weighting more than 400 pounds. Broke my heart.
I love Mom dearly and for most of the years she battled with her weight, I was impressed. She was a great dresser and when she'd deck out for church, I'm sure she was the prettiest large woman there! It wasn't until a few years before her fourth husband died, that I became alarmed at how large she was really getting. She only wore dresses and they were so, frumpy and ... well, awful. Eventually she wore only these large, floor length, lounger gowns, sometimes even to church. I understand now, what I didn't then, Mom was probably in the early stages of Dementia Alzheimer's. These last nine years have been very difficult for her ... and me.
So, again, why am I doing this sugar cleanse? To try to get a grip on my unhealthy eating habits. I can learn by Mom's walk how to detour a future crisis by turning now before IT IS too late. It's never too late to change one's bad habits, right? Besides, this is one of my New Year's Resolutions.
Today no sugar. In fact, today I will fast. It will be like a trigger, a break, an impact ... NO FOOD. A day of water, tea and I didn't give up that cup of coffee this morning.
Later in the day ...
The day is near over and my stomach is talking to anyone who will listen. The noise even scared my cats off my lap.
Tomorrow, I will begin my walk into healthier eating habits. If I'm still alive!!
Why am I doing this? I have been compulsively eating the above mentioned sweets for more than a year and the weight I've gained alarms me. (Duh!!) I can't fit into 3/4 of the clothes I have, and I have ALOT of clothes. I've posted in earlier blogs about my eating disorder and one of the panic triggers is weighing over 145 pounds. Well, I'm way over that!
Maybe my fear of following in my Mother's walk is prompting this sugar cleanse, too.
Mom battled morbid obesity beginning in the late 70's until today. Shortly after she divorced her third husband, Mom got involved with Weight Watchers and for a few years in the 80's she got back down to her knock out self. She never was a thin woman. She was more like a Marilyn Monroe build. But after a couple of years into her fourth marriage, she began to lose control again and ballooned over the years to weighting more than 400 pounds. Broke my heart.
I love Mom dearly and for most of the years she battled with her weight, I was impressed. She was a great dresser and when she'd deck out for church, I'm sure she was the prettiest large woman there! It wasn't until a few years before her fourth husband died, that I became alarmed at how large she was really getting. She only wore dresses and they were so, frumpy and ... well, awful. Eventually she wore only these large, floor length, lounger gowns, sometimes even to church. I understand now, what I didn't then, Mom was probably in the early stages of Dementia Alzheimer's. These last nine years have been very difficult for her ... and me.
So, again, why am I doing this sugar cleanse? To try to get a grip on my unhealthy eating habits. I can learn by Mom's walk how to detour a future crisis by turning now before IT IS too late. It's never too late to change one's bad habits, right? Besides, this is one of my New Year's Resolutions.
Today no sugar. In fact, today I will fast. It will be like a trigger, a break, an impact ... NO FOOD. A day of water, tea and I didn't give up that cup of coffee this morning.
Later in the day ...
The day is near over and my stomach is talking to anyone who will listen. The noise even scared my cats off my lap.
Tomorrow, I will begin my walk into healthier eating habits. If I'm still alive!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Love Month!
Yes, I drew this. Not an artist, but I've drawn hearts all my life. Often, when I write a note, I'll end it with this heart. ... only smaller.
February is here!!! The Love Month? Sure, why not?
February houses Valentines Day, one of my favorite holidays! A day to celebrate LOVE! Valentines are given away in homes, schools, nursing homes, and just about anywhere one wants to share a valentine card. Oh, and also flowers, balloons, and TREATS! All given or shared in celebration of LOVE. That's my definition.
Webster defines;
Valentine's Day ~ February 14, observed in honor of St Valentine as a day for the exchange of valentines and other tokens of affection. Also called Saint Valentine's Day.
and;
valentine ~ 1. a card or message, usu. amatory or sentimental, or a gift sent by one person to another on Valentine's Day, sometimes anonymously. 2. a sweetheart chosen or greeted on this day. 3. A written, or other artistic work, message, etc., expressing affection.
Ok, I'm blonde so I had to look up amatory ~ of or pertaining to lovers or lovemaking; expressive of love. Hm ... amatory? Guess I won't be reading this definition to my husband or he may be thinking he is gona get lucky on Valentine's Day. Don't know why Webster didn't just use the word amorous or better, sexual. ie; a card or message, usu. sexual or sentimental ... see, leaves no room for my blonde questions.
... and I found out that Saint Valentine was a Christian martyr at Rome.
Ok, definition and history aside, Valentine's Day is another time for me to let my family and friends know how important they are to me. I wish I could write of all the special things I do on this day but I don't always do something ... I THINK about doing something special each year, but have only followed through with ACTION a few years in a row. More often, I just think and don't do.
This year is going to me my action year. Starting today I will begin to send a LOVE note to all that come to mind, expressing to them why they are so special to me and/or the folks around them. I have so many folks to write to and to keep this a labor of love, I shall send a few notes each day of February. Hm ... better get started.
Today, I will begin with my Mom and a dear lady, Gertrude McVay, that I have adopted as a Mom and my dear Mother-in-law, Ruth Harrison.
Monday, January 31, 2011
31 Days
Today is 31 days since I had my last drink. So far I haven't felt deprived. My coffee has gone back to it's topping of frothed milk or some almond milk instead of a splash of McCormicks liqueur. I drink green tea or water for the rest of the day and pass on the Niagra Medelo with a slice of lime squeezed and pushed thru the bottle neck or a glass of wine in the evening. Though, as I typed that out, I miss the flavor of those drinks.
Hm .... now that I'm reflecting and missing ... I especially miss my evening mix of 3 parts of Copra De Ora coffee liqueur with 1 part of McCormicks creme liqueur. This went from one or two drinks in the evenings of November and December 2010 to finishing off both bottles New Year's Eve night. Since I'd made the decision to quit drinking again nearly a month earlier ... no reason to leave those last two bottles to tempt me to break my 2011 resolve. Right?
Will I ever drink again? If I could promise never to be compulsive again and drink in such moderation as to not harm my liver, which is already trying to check out before the rest of me is ready, then I would answer,
"Hell, YEAH!"
I cannot promise that. In fact, I have visited Hell in my drinking history. Not just once but more times than I care to elaborate on. Such visits, in my past, are the main reason I have quit drinking before. Seems I get a few years of not drinking under my belt ... and maybe the time off softens those visits to Hell ... and maybe I don't want to believe I am an alcoholic ... and I'd return ... with an attempt to drink differently. Did I? For a while, maybe. Once I retired my favorites, Jack Daniels and Tequila, my drinking was more manageable. But not my thinking.
Will I ever drink again? For 31 days I haven't. I'm retiring all liqueur drinks with my 'fake' friends Jack and To-Kill-Ya (Tequila, for those of you that may be wondering.) and made a 2011 resolution to stop drinking. I'm committing to this year. If wine and beer ever make it back into my life, it will be because I will, once again, be attempting to drink differently. Will I be able to do it? Will I even want to drink again, by then? Hm .... for 31 days ... and counting.
Hm .... now that I'm reflecting and missing ... I especially miss my evening mix of 3 parts of Copra De Ora coffee liqueur with 1 part of McCormicks creme liqueur. This went from one or two drinks in the evenings of November and December 2010 to finishing off both bottles New Year's Eve night. Since I'd made the decision to quit drinking again nearly a month earlier ... no reason to leave those last two bottles to tempt me to break my 2011 resolve. Right?
Will I ever drink again? If I could promise never to be compulsive again and drink in such moderation as to not harm my liver, which is already trying to check out before the rest of me is ready, then I would answer,
"Hell, YEAH!"
I cannot promise that. In fact, I have visited Hell in my drinking history. Not just once but more times than I care to elaborate on. Such visits, in my past, are the main reason I have quit drinking before. Seems I get a few years of not drinking under my belt ... and maybe the time off softens those visits to Hell ... and maybe I don't want to believe I am an alcoholic ... and I'd return ... with an attempt to drink differently. Did I? For a while, maybe. Once I retired my favorites, Jack Daniels and Tequila, my drinking was more manageable. But not my thinking.
Will I ever drink again? For 31 days I haven't. I'm retiring all liqueur drinks with my 'fake' friends Jack and To-Kill-Ya (Tequila, for those of you that may be wondering.) and made a 2011 resolution to stop drinking. I'm committing to this year. If wine and beer ever make it back into my life, it will be because I will, once again, be attempting to drink differently. Will I be able to do it? Will I even want to drink again, by then? Hm .... for 31 days ... and counting.
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