PERFECT TIMING

Since when,
Did my mind fall behind?
How can I recall,
If I cannot even find?
Is this why,
I cling to every sign,
That points to hope,
Trying to prove a Greater Design?
All this loss won't be missed,
So just relax in all remaining time,
With those we hold so dear,
And always on our mind.
Forget the trivial,
Quit trying to rewind!
Don't sweat all the forgetting,
Because it gets worse with time.
Take these last days,
One precious step at a time.
Focus on love and life,
Seek the good you can always find,
And believe in more than yourself,
For it will refresh your mind,
Leaving you filled with peace,
Though ever out of step with time,
Forever trying to recall,
And always falling behind.
That's ok.
This can all be called the perfect time.

9/11 TEN YEARS LATER

It has been ten years since that horrific day, 9/11, when the WORLD watched the Twin Towers fall after two hijacked planes crashed into them. As I type this, I'm watching 205 FXNWS on DISH, '9/11: Timeline of Terror.' And as they play a timeline of that emotionally traumatizing day, I remember ...

A beautiful day ... much like today, ten years later ... and I was on my way to work as a telemarketer for a call center here in my home town of Ogallala, NE. The radio went on alert with a report that a plane had crashed into one of the Twin Towers of the Trade Center in New York City.

"What!? Oh my God! What could this be?" I remember mumbling out loud.

I drove into the parking lot of my work and ran into the building and announced loudly, "Have you all heard the news?"

A few blank stares met my eyes, just as the supervisor came out of her office and together we announced that a plane crashed into the World Trade Center.

I went to my assigned cubicle and put my personals away as I sat down to log in and begin my day. I felt numb as I began my calls. It wasn't even 15 minutes into the job when the phone lines went blank and the call center went down. Our supervisor reappeared and announced that the phone lines were down for an undetermined amount of time and everyone would be sent home for the day. Any other day I would have been elated that we had an unexpected day off. But this day was different. Different? How?

I packed up my things and couldn't shake feeling alarmed, scared even. Everyone was trying to analyze what was happening as they gathered their things and headed out the door. An accident? Another Pearl Harbor? A joke ... we knew NOTHING, but we all felt a premonition of doom, of something out of balance.

"Lord," I silently prayed, "please protect us!"

Protect us from what? Us? I was recalling Oklahoma. Even remembering Columbine. Our great country is full of sick thinking so I was preparing for the worst. I had no idea how the 'worst' would unfold as it did that day. Our easy access to such events through the various media seared the events to our soul.

Instead of driving home, I drove over to Mom and Dad's. As I opened the front door, they were both watching the horror unfold on TV. I recognized that look of alarm on their faces. Didn't I just leave an environment of alarmed looking telemarketers? The day would draw in alarmed expressions from all walks of life and from all over the world. Alarm that would grow into despair, anguish and sheer shock.

Mom moved her pillows from the end of the couch to make room for me. I sat right beside her. Being near her seemed to make me feel more settled, more secure. I knew my folks were just as powerless as I. Still, there was some comfort in sitting as near as Mom would let me. I felt like a little girl again and had this crazy desire to climb into her lap. Yeah, sitting as close as I could get was good.

.... and later in the day, she and I would tell each other how grateful we were to be with each other. Families would be watching what we were watching and they would know someone inside the towers or one of the first responders. For them the agony would find no comfort. We still had each other. Mom and I said a prayer for everyone. Ok, I said the prayer but Mom was holding my hand and agreeing with me.

Dad sat in his recliner with his hand over his mouth. It amazed me that he was so quiet most of the day. He'd have moments of ranting when we learned that it was a terrorist attack but even his ranting was mostly quiet. He hadn't been feeling well since coming home from a recent hospital stay. And after this traumatic day, he seemed to decline faster and would go to be with the Lord less than 5 months later. He was also a veteran and had seen war and didn't like it then and sure didn't like it now. Now? He knew we would be going to war as a result of this. We all thought it would be with Egypt since the terrorists were from Egypt or Iran. Dad would have been surprised that we went back to Iraq. Anyway, rather Dad wasn't feeling well or reeling from the events unfolding on TV ... he was quiet. Too quiet. Later in the day, I would look over to witness tears rolling down his cheeks as he sat silently crying. In that moment I felt so small and helpless.

So there we sat, in silence, watching ... shocked. My only comfort of the moment, of the whole day, was being with two people I loved dearly. Together we witnessed, and cried, and despaired for all those in the Twin Towers and the unfolding terror that we could only watch...

... I only watched ... and it tore my heart out of my soul. I can't imagine what the experience was like for those who became innocent victims of such senseless evil. I can't imagine what one went through when they jumped from one death to another. I can't even fathom what sickness holds someone to commit suicide while killing thousands of innocents. I cry for those who went up to save lives and lost their own. I marvel at the survivor stories, miracles amid the tragic loss, and the heroes, like Flight 93 and all the first responders and all the people who helped each other. I was moved so much that, ten years later, I still feel a knot in my stomach and my heart still aches. And I wasn't even there ... I could only watch ...

Osama Bin Laden is dead now. He was supposedly the master mind, the leader of such evil. He was killed by the United States under the order of President Barack Obama. And he never was in Iraq ... but President Bush put us there and ... ok, ok, I'm digressing. So the king pin was finally brought down. But that pales to the impact of that day, 9/11/01, when terrorists brought down the Twin Towers. Ten years later there are still more questions then answers, more sorrow than joy and more fear than trust.

2011 BLUE WATER BLUES FESTIVAL

On a cool, crisp, fall like evening, the sand hills of Nebraska near the small town of Lewellen, echoed out the best sounding blues I'd heard in a while. What a treat for those of us who spent our evening in the back yard of the 17 Ranch Winery, listening to and watching some extraordinary talent!

Labor Day Weekend usually finds me on a bike trip with my husband, touring somewhere, in this awesome country we live in. Several reasons kept me home this year and my disappointment was completely erased last night, when hanging at home, gave me the opportunity to finally check this annual festival out. I love the blues!

The day opened on a planned day of work. Up by 6 am to prepare for the final day of my weekend garage sale. A couple of dear friends had come from Kearney to help me with the sale and brought a new golden retriever puppy with them. So the sun came up, dog went out for her morning duties, coffee was brewed and garage sale baked goods were raided for breakfast. Then ... to work...

We closed up the garage sale by mid afternoon, and everyone took turns cleaning up for our evening date with the blues while watching the Nebraska football game! Nebraska won! The festival was to start at 5 pm and we weren't going to be on time. Finally ready ... we set out for Lewellen as the sun was setting.

As we drove into town, my friends asked me for directions. I'd never been to this winery since it's opening so my directions were to just open up the windows and listen for music and follow it's sound. That's what small towns are all about. As it turned out, driving down main street, one couldn't miss it even if the band hadn't already been playing to lure us near.

We weren't the only ones arriving late and as we walked up to the gate, a gal asked me if we were going to the festival. Before I could answer she took note of two tickets I was holding and commented that I probably didn't need any tickets.

"Oh but I do." I told her.

"I have these two tickets but I still need to buy one."

She then handed me a ticket and I asked her how much it was ...

I had bought two tickets for the 'early' purchase price of $15 earlier in the week and knew the third ticket was gona cost me $20 at the gate. I was hoping she would only want $15.

... She GAVE me the ticket!! Wow! I asked her if I could hug her and thanked her profusely!

Yes, these are tough times and usually 'concerts' are a luxury and often not experienced during such times. But I LOVE the blues. I was going to be home this time. I soooo wanted to go and I didn't want to make my friends pay for their own tickets especially after helping me with the garage sale AND what if they didn't like the blues ... anyway, what a blessing this surprise free ticket was! AND my friends loved the festival so much so they purchased a couple of CD's of the last band! ~ Note to Co: Thank you, darlin, for the CD. Listening to it as I write this blog. ~

While the sun went down, we set up our lawn chairs, put out our blankets to wrap up in when the cool crisp air settled in after dark and set out to purchase a gourmet hamburger and some ice tea.

Later we would learn how to get a commemorative wine glass and could taste the various wines the winery specialized in by the glass or the bottle. Beer and soft drinks were available also.

Picnic tables were near the grill but most had brought their own lawn chairs and were comfortably snuggled into their own blankets ... such a comfortable, warm (in spite of the early fall chill) and fun atmosphere. Cudos to Lewellen, to 17 Ranch Winery, for making such a festival available to us sand hill natives ... to those of us who love the blues.

Love the blues?

We missed the 1st bands performance. We arrived during the second half of the second bands performance. Sol-De-Joe , out of Denver, Co, had a slamming bass player, a sultry sax player, great vocals and all round sound that left you wanting for more. Check em out for yourself and see if you agree they are worthy of enjoyment. http://solfedjoe.com

The final band, Mary Bridget Davies Group, was soooo worth hanging through the cold night to hear! Mary has a voice that reminded me of Janis Joplin. She did some favorite Janis tunes and was right on ... closed my eyes and could see and hear Janis ... opened my eyes and could see Mary and hear both Janis and Mary. What a voice this woman has!!

And between songs she was such a kick! Funny, light, sexy, and soulful! Mary is one that must be seen as well as heard!! http://marybridgetdaviesgroup.com

And her band ... wow!! The bass player was captivating and made sitting still IMPOSSIBLE. Once some of the sound issues were refined ... wow!! The whole band is like a puzzle that fits perfectly. Each is a stand alone performer and ... well, all I can say is ... wow!!

Garden Therapy or Survival

I planted a garden in late May, early June. By late June this is what my little plots of intentional plant life looked like. I went out every day after first sowing the seeds and seedlings and found a spark of joy growing somewhere inside of me. A memory? Maybe. I just know it felt/feels good ... watching everything sprout to life.

I've planted a garden only two other times.

The first was the spring after fleeing Colorado from an abusive step dad to Mom's folks home in Paxton, NE. There was a small vacant lot next to the home my grandparents rented. Grandma helped me clear a small plot and gave me some seeds. I planted the most vibrant, full, crowded little plot with all kinds of flowers. I was 10 years old back then, with a completely broken spirit, and that little flower garden was my salvation ... along with a white cat I called Pepsi. A little garden, a loyal cat, and a Grandma, with unlimited hugs, bandaged my injured spirit, watered my soul and made me want to grow.

The second time I tried gardening was nearly 20 years later in the back yard of the only home I co-owned with my 1st husband. It was a much larger garden then my first one and much larger than this garden of 2011. I remember the most wonderful tomatoes that garden produced the first year. And I remember the tomato blight that ruined the crop the second year. Hm ... blight in the garden and it would be a type of 'blight' that would ruin that marriage and prevent a third planting of that garden in the city of Lincoln, NE.

One garden healed and one garden revealed.

Now, here it is, over another 20 years later, and my third garden has evolved from small test plots planted next to the porch of Ron's country home, to it's new location on what I call, 'Ron's back forty'. It took him near a month to finally pick a spot and till it. It took me even longer to figure out what would be planted.

Ron, my husband, is not fond of 'farming'. His passion is with Harley Davidson Motorcycle's.

Me? I've not wanted to have too many plants to care for because I tend to kill them more often then not. I wasn't sure I even wanted to plant this garden ... let alone watch it grow.

And grow it has.

I'm glad I planted this garden. It has already given me more then what was expected. There's an unexplained therapy in the preparation, planting and maintenance of a garden. In that and more, there is a spiritual experience in gardening. Before churches and temples ... there was the Garden of Eden. It wasn't a house, palace, or tent that God placed man and his partner in. It was a garden.

A garden is survival. By what we eat, is how we will stand or fall. 'Manufactured' food has become toxic for us. These reasons and feeling more alarmed about what the future may entail, influenced my desire to grow a garden this year. Survival may depend on how well one is prepared. If my garden survives me, a novice, and I grow to be a passionate gardener, then there's hope I'll stand more than I fall.

One garden healed, one garden revealed,
Each garden gives the gardener it's secrets,
One garden flowers, one garden sours,
Let this garden seal all regrets.
One garden small, one garden full of falls,
May God bless this garden where it sets.
One garden at 10, the other at 30 back then,
To this garden at 58 and in all hope begets,
One garden growing, one garden knowing,
If this gardener God will bless.

Ryenn's Day, Today

Today is my youngest granddaughter's birthday! The above video was actually recorded last Saturday as it was the most ideal time for Popo to participate in celebrating how happy we are that she has been a part of our life for the last five years.

Today, Ryenn will celebrate her birthday with a slumber party. She is sooo excited and is planning a Justin Beeber theme. It sounds like fun but it was gona be too crowded for us old folks. That was one of the reasons why we came a week early. :)

Today, their home will be full of giggles and little Justin Beeber fanatics. Last week it was just us. We got to have Ryenn all to ourselves. Right now she tolerates that well.  Much too soon, she may follow the path our eldest granddaughter is on. The one where Nana and Popo are such a bore. :( 

Today, Ryenn will be doing all that she and her Momma planned for her special day. Last week, it was great fun to catch Ryenn by surprise with a candle in her breakfast pancakes (tho they lit the second candle that we included in case the first one got broke), a song and a card about beans and farts ... only a youngster would understand the humor in that. We capped the day by settling in with a rented movie, 'Rango'.

Today you are 9 years old. Happy Birthday, little one! Thank you, my lovely child, for sharing you and making last weekend so special. We will be thinking of you all day and saying a quick prayer for your Dad and Mom for calming vibes when a house full of girls seems overwhelming. Above all, know that you are loved and you fill us with such pride.

Today, I praise my Lord and thank Him for the blessing all my grandchildren are.

Storm Watching, Beginners Luck

Seasoned storm chasers prefer to watch their storms from a distance.

I've always been a sky watcher. I can make stories up in the billowy folds of cloud formations that cross our Nebraska sky and I take cover when the dark clouds blow in with lightning shows that dazzle as much as they sizzle!

A storm chaser I'm not.... but that is something that I would love to do.... from a distance and not underneath em.

I'm sure it is not wise to stand beneath such a close, dangerous looking, impending storm, video tape rolling (of which I tried to post but still photos is all I could get to post) and praying for protection. I'm sure prayer works best when using common sense, right?

I'm grateful that the Lord I was praying to, held back the hail and didn't form those ominous looking clouds into a tornado, to lift the house up and off to OZ. I wonder if anyone else, standing on their porch .... watching, but unlike me, were whisked away when they failed to retreat safely to the basement? If anyone has, they must not have lived to tell about it. And if they were video taping ... well, guess we may never know, huh? Yes, I'm ever so grateful that my foolishness hasn't yet destroyed me.

Angels or storm watching beginners luck?

The calm after the storm. A short rainbow and the sweet, clean, smell after a rain is all that remains after such fury. For us, we had to right a few blown over chairs and reopen windows in the house to a clean, calm breeze. But I began to pray for those whom this storm was on it's way to scare and that they might heed the warning and retreat to safety.

P.S. To those who know me, should you hear of me being whisked away in a storm, keep looking for the camera/video that was surely recording my foolishness.

It's Friday Night And I've No Where To Go

I'm watching HLN on a Friday night, near 9:32 pm, and they are discussing Weiner's Resignation from ... what is he? All I know is that he was sex texting and sending compromising pictures to ... who?

I guess I'm one of those who only remember this issue more due to his name ... Weiner. :) Every time I hear his name, those Oscar Mayer Weiner songs play through my mind. (Yes, there were two versions of the song!)

Showbiz Tonight's, A.J. Hammer, is opening his discussion with some ... well ... it all has to do with the name, Weiner. And, for Mr Hammer, its not the Oscar Mayer Weiner songs that he's reminded of. He seems more focused on, well, things like:

The Big Spin ... Congressman Weiner's News Conference ... Lies, that in truth he finally admits to 'showin his buisness'... Weiner's other package ... He's leaving with a bulging retirement package (which should be interesting to note that Mr Weiner's package could be worth more than a million dollars, and may include an annual pension, a gold plated health care plan, and a capitol hill parking space,) and the climax of the whole scandal? He could possibly be heading to Hollywood!!

What a lucky twit. (No, A.J. Hammer didn't say that on his show. This is my comment.)

Ok, ok, this is not why I decided to post on my blog tonight.

Look at me, sitting here watching TV on a Friday night, alone, with a cold and no where to go ... which is good because of my cold. Even without a cold, though, I'd still be hangin, alone, on a Friday night, my usual mode, in these 'older' years. Alone, sitting and watching TV ... and this would be true, even if my husband wasn't off on a Father's Day ride, this weekend. We seem to migrate towards our own TV's. His in the living room and mine in my office. (We do have our moments when we watch the same program/movie and hang in his living room. But I'm in a self pity moment, sick with a spring cold, sooo ALONE is my wail tonight. Ok?)

It's Friday night and I don't feel like going anywhere. Just took some Nyquil to combat my cough, TV is full of junk and both my cats are hanging close enough to be annoying. This Friday night it is good to be alone and have no where to go ... but to bed to get well!

The question is ... will I be able to sleep without ....

♫♪ OH I WISH I WERE AN OSCAR MAYER WEINER,
THAT IS WHAT I TRULY WANT TO BE. ♫♫
♪♫ CUZ IF I WERE AN OSCAR MAYER WEINER,
EVERYONE WOULD BE IN LOVE WITH ME!♪

♪♪ OH I'M GLAD I'M NOT AN OSCAR MAYER WEINER,
THAT IS WHAT I NEVER WANA BE. ♪♫
♫♪ CUZ IF I WERE AN OSCAR MAYER WEINER,
THERE WOULD SOON BE NOTHING LEFT OF ME. ♫♪♫

♫♫ OH IT'S A SAD DAY FOR NEW YORK'S MR. WEINER,
HE FINALLY TELLS THE TRUTH AND HAS TO LEAVE. ♪♫
♪♪ CUZ SHOWIN EVERYONE HE'S GOT A WEINER,
PROVED HE WASN'T THERE FOR YOU AND ME. ♫