TsK Tsk Tsk

9-20-2015, Allan Brown died of a heart attack.

Allan was an elder at the Church of Christ in my home church and home town of Ogallala, NE. What a dear man!!!

We moved to Ogallala, NE from Paxton, NE the summer of my 13th year. A new neighborhood, a new school and a new group of friends. Sherrie Lee and Nola French invited me to church and it became a regular pattern for our Sunday's and Wednesday night's at the Church of Christ.

Allan was there, too. He and his wife Mabel and the rest of their family. I don't remember the kids as well as I remember Allan and Mabel. He was one of those members ... always warm and such a gentle soul ... unless you were three rowdy teenagers sitting in the back pews, giggling and not being respectful ... for then Allan, or Mabel, would become shoulder tappers. Or if he and Mabel sat in front of us, he would shake his head and Tsk, Tsk, Tsk, or he would just turn around and look stern. Regardless of what he did, it commanded our respect and swift mode to worship or song. He never let our rowdiness keep him from hugging us or just putting his arm around our shoulders or a loving hand upon our shoulder later.

He was stern and loving and time rigid and yet mostly forgiving. He was a great teacher and answered my questions with patience and honesty. I believe he was the first to tell me, when he didn't know an answer to some of my life question;

"I don't know, Sandy, but God does."

I don't know why such an answer, that really never answered my questions, was such a comfort to me. Maybe because Allan's faith in a God that knew everything and would reveal all one day was enough then and still calms and comforts me today.

I'm glad Allan was one of the first healthy influences for my troubled teen soul back then. I'm also grateful that he never wavered in his warmth and kindness toward me over the years since. Never mind that I'm not a regular church attendee, or that I often visit other church families. Allen always welcomed me and made me feel so at home.

Allan's kindness enveloped my Mother who came to my baptism during that 13th year and started attending regularly thereafter.Years later, both she and her 4th husband (whom I adored) would become members and elders. Allan enveloped our dysfunctional family in such love. Did he know he gave a couple of us a lifeline to change? 

Jesus was mimicked by many of those who were Church of Christ elders and nearly no stones were thrown. No stones were thrown by Allen Brown. He will be missed! I wish he knew how much of an impact he had on my family and I. God knows.

I am grateful I was able to attend Allan's funeral. It was a packed church, proving he touched the hearts of many. It was one of my favorite funerals to date. Can one have favorite funerals and not be considered odd?

A slide show sharing precious memories, a moving eulogy presented by his son revealed much I did not know about the father he loved, and the testimony of Allan's influence by several folks were special moments. 

Allan even wrote the message that was read by the officiating pastor, George Robinson, thereby preaching at his own funeral. A message that helped me understand why a funeral can be a celebration ... a reason to hold onto one's fork because the best is yet to come. Sorry, this is one of those 'should have been there' moments, to understand this fork reference.

Allan's message centered on Revelation 21 & 22, which focuses on Heaven. I had read Revelations 21 just that morning in my regular morning Bible reading. Hm ... I like to think that was a God moment and His way of letting Allan, once again, answer some lingering questions for me. 

I hope Allan would be smiling if he knew that though I don't attend a church regularly, I do read my Bible from cover to cover, over and over, 1-3 chapters nearly every day and have for the last 14 years. I wonder if Allan is where he can hear me talk to God every day and that I pray way more often now then I did when he use to encourage me to pray. 

I wish I could tell him that I'm less rowdy. Though the aging youngster that I am, knows that he would be Tsk, Tsk, Tsk'ing me about my life choices that I make today. Still ... I smile ... though I miss him, I am looking forward to that hug when I see him again and I imagine him saying;

"See, Sandy, God knew. Welcome home."

Heavy And Light

Heavy And Light

This is poem number 5 and the final one,

Last one for the 5 Day Poetry Challenge,

That Paige Namuth nominated me on,

Though for me it is instead the 5 Poem Challenge.

Time was my enemy for doing this right,

Sure I could post poems written before,

And not all new ones did I write,

Just no time to submit 5 days in a row.

So here's the last one I will submit,

But not the last one I will ever write,

Because to writing I'll always commit,

Covering topics both heavy and light.

Heavy are thoughts that must be penned,

A healing salve for deep soul wounds,

So on paper I empty my heart to lend,

And keep my soul from sickness bound.

Locking away all heavy thoughts,

Can build a darkness so thick,

That only crazy blues can be wrought,

And the body fills with nothing but sick!

I found this healing at a young seven,

When after beatings I wrote about it,

Adding how I would one day get even,

By making him suffer with the hate I'd spit!

Putting my heavy on paper back then,

Gave me room to let go of all the pain,

And I grew to become my best friend,

And let forgiveness be my gain.

It's the same with the world's heavy,

I like to write down my thoughts,

So I can sort and then levy,

And let go of all pain they wrought.

Now light writing is much more fun,

To joke and find laughter in life,

Makes all the darkness run,

And lifts the soul from all it's strife.

Light topics are full of smiles,

Like Donald Trump in the 2016 election,

His antics make laughing worthwhile,

Fodder for the best writing selection.

Or other light topics that can dispel gloom,

And give wings to a happy heart,

Like writing about how love can bloom,

Or life being as swift as a fart!

So rather heavy or light a poem is the way,

To create a picture that fits the mood,

To put in words that create a sway,

And make one smile or even brood.

Thank you Paige for this opportunity,

To share this one of my passions,

Though fearful of much scrutiny,

It's been worth my time and creation.

LIFE MOVING ON ...

Here is my 4th poem for the 5 day Poetry Challenge that I was nominated for on Facebook, by a very dear lady to my heart, Paige Namuth. I met her through her husband, Ron Namuth, whom was the Director of the Independence Center when I worked there in the late 70's - early 80's. This couple are locked in my mind trunk of precious memories from that time and a big part of the many changes I have made in my own life over the years since. Changes I made more through observing their own walk in life than from a close personal relationship with them. I had not had any contact with them once I moved away from Lincoln, NE in late 1985 .... until I joined the social media, Facebook, a few years back. Now I enjoy the memories that Paige often shares and find both of them in my thoughts nearly every day.

Anyway, Paige nominated me for this 5 day Poetry Challenge and it is probably suppose to include a poem a day for 5 consecutive days. But I suck at challenges, most of the time, and so, am doing 5 poems when I am able to take time to write a new poem or have time to copy one I've written over the years past from my poetry vault. 

Paige, I apologize for breaking any rules. I thank you for nominating me. It has given me opportunity to reflect on some of my past work and to put pen to hand for some new writings. It has also given me inspiration to return to my blog.

Life Moving On ...

I sit in my upstairs office,
Which use to be my daughter's room.
The walls are blue.
You picked blue, my daughter.
My blue eyed Pooh Bear.
Pooh Bear?
I latched on to that nickname,
After I heard my step-dad back in 1980,
Had nicknamed his youngest daughter,
His lil Pooh Bear.
It lovingly stuck on my own lil treasure.

Slept in my dark teal room last night,
Which use to be my step-son's room.
You picked this color, my son.
My son from a different mother,
Who can understand me,
As no one else ever has.
Greer became Clint. 
GC to those whom love him dearly, 
With a magic touch,
And a heart with a 6th sense,
A healer to those in physical pain.

A guest bedroom watches the sun set.
This was Shelby's eldest brother's room.
Only the furniture,
And the pictures have changed.
It is the room I meditate in.
Remember John, when we moved you out of it?
You'd leave food items in it to mold,
And so to the basement you were sent,
Which is now the most favored choice,
Of all the family when they come to visit.
The room that never has been finished to date.

My kids have all grown and left home.
They have their own rooms now,
Full of memories both good and bad.
That is life.
Rooms of memories,
Changed, yet old vibrations can still be felt.
I would have treasured more then,
If I had known,
How much I would miss them now,
And how empty these rooms,
Feel at times,
Now that you have all moved out,
                                   and on ....

Sandra K. Harrison

August 13, 2015

I was trying to cut/paste my poems from Facebook to blog but not savvy enough to figure out why they paste on top of each other or when previewing, only part of the poem shows in preview. Sooooo am doing it an old cumbersome way, a paste per new blog post! 

And so again:

Day 3 of the 5 day poetry challenge. Sorry but unable to do these days consecutively. (Started this challenge in mid July.) Hope I'm not breaking any rules. I'm suppose to nominate for this 5 day poetry challenge and so I nominate Justice Alicia via Mia Sandoval (here on Facebook) AND also Mia Sandoval. Mia, you could do a short poem and post it with your selfie of the day. Or not. You love theater so dream big. I also nominate April Teddlie.

THE FADE

What was it like to fade away?
All that was familiar is now strange.
Did they know they were fading?
Were plans made for such a change?

First it was post-it notes to instruct,
Then it was the lapse in time,
When you find them wandering,
Forgetting what they wanted to find.

Some get angry for no reason at all!
Can't say I blame them for such action,
With a whole world upside down,
And they at the center of attention.

Some just quietly disappear,
One day here and the next day gone!
No warning with these tender souls,
"Surprise, you're at the end of your life song!"

My heart breaks for such a burden,
When the mind leaves before the body.
When memories fade to total blank,
And you become their strange somebody.

Can I only pray this will all pass,
And not become my own fate?
Or am I destined to join the fade,
And never remember when it's too late?

Sandra K Harrison
August 1, 2015

NOTE: If I have any followers, you've probably noticed I have not been blogging regularly. I hope to remedy that. But no promises .... just in case I have some real fans. And no disrespect to such fans. I am in a funk and trying to work my way out of it. Par for the course for someone whom has fought depression most of her life and now may be joining the ranks as someone with Alzheimer's.

And:

Day 2 of the 5 day poetry challenge ...

Never Regret

So where to from here, Lord?
Didn't expect to get this far.
So right there ...
I'm mighty grateful, Lord!

But seems to me that getting old,
Makes living more challenging.
And like an invisibility cloak,
I am no longer visibly bold.

To not be seen is like death itself.
There is a time for solitude,
But ... when you walk on by,
I'm like that picture ignored on the shelf.

There was a time I WAS seen.
And I ran from the attention,
Because I was sought by evil,
And I blamed it all on being seen.

Sometimes I even hid,
Behind couches and self made walls.
Or I'd run only to have me find me,
And a world judging all I did.

Now I'm old and gray in the mirror,
But when I look away I remember,
That skinny girl with long blonde hair,
Who often perceived like a seer.

Now I have too many regrets,
And a life filling with mixed memories.
As I venture through this last life season,
Help me Lord find life I never want to regret.

Sandra K. harrison
03-28-15

I was nominated on Facebook by Paige Namuth for a 5 day poetry challenge. Not sure of the rules or if there are any. Here is what I have done so far:

Day 1 of the five day poetry challenge I was nominated for by Paige Namuth.

Made it home.
Home is our Sandhill retreat,
And the rose made the journey, too.

Unpacked memories,
Opened up all the windows,
And a cooling breeze filled this country home.

There was the rose.
Soon it's beauty will be in full wilt,
And will remind me she is gone to a New Home.

Nothing lasts forever.
Not the rose nor the breeze,
And the journey is both fun and sad.

Dance through the fun times of life,
Sing through the sad times of death,
And be the rose until the moment is gone.

Forever can be a memory,
That one can unpack for reflection,
And know also that a dried rose will remember.

My Heart Still Aches

Posted to my Facebook Timeline today:


Like · Comment · Share

• Nicole Church, Paige Namuth, Jennifer Lene Van Vleet and 2 others like this.
• 

  Monica Snider Gonzalez Rest In Peace Mark

  1 hr · Unlike · 1
• 

  Roxie StepinMaebe McBroom Rest in peace Mark, what a blessing your last time together was

  1 hr · Unlike · 1
• 

  Roseanna Torres Prayers of comfort for you.

  1 hr · Unlike · 1
• 

  Sandy Harrison Mark died in 2008. Gosh doesn't seem like 7 years has gone by already. Thinking of loved ones that have left seems to have a timeless effect, don't ya think?

P

Today is the death anniversary of my brother Mark Walker. He died of an abdominal aneursym at the NP Flying J Truckstop, in North Platte, NE, where he and brother Carl had stopped for a meal while on their way back from attending the funeral of our cousin, Cindy, only the day before in our home town of Ogallala, NE. My heart still aches but I also marvel at the timing. Mark had been on the transplant list for a liver and so we weren't surprised when he left us before his name came up but we were surprised it was an aneursym that claimed him. We were all reeling from the sudden loss of our cousin but her death blessed me with precious time with my brothers Mark & Carl. The morning of Mark's death, he and I and Carl sat on the front porch of my home and talked about years of memories. Mark made some amends that morning to Carl & I and spoke of the amends he knew he still needed to make to others but didn't want to make wounds bigger. The sun was shining that beautiful morning and we siblings were healing right there in its light. When the boys headed home, we were all crying and hugging and so glad that we had that amends & memory time. We had NO CLUE that after the boys stopped and visited Aunt Grace & Uncle Al, that Mark would be leaving us during that stop to eat his favorite meal, chicken fried steak & eggs. A meal that he was restricted from. He was not suppose to eat protein because of his liver disease and he had a lot of protein that weekend. I smile when I think of his rebellion on his diet ... and how it wasn't the reason for his leaving ... I smile because that was Mark; a rebel soul that was tamed over the years by the consequences of choices that he paid a high price for, who tried to make the changes needed but often fell short of the goal. Something I still identify with. Well, brother Mark, I am comforted that God seen your suffering and knew you had paid the price long enough and gave you rest from your pain. But my heart still aches.

This last picture was taken in October 2007. Our youngest brother Donny, came from AZ and Carl, Mark, and Sue came from Lincoln so we could all meet with Dr Colglazier at the Grant, NE hospital to have a family conference regarding Mom. That conference was the most stressful experience ever and not because we were discussing Mom's health and future care but because we were all tramatized by the inappropriate, unprofessional display of abusive anger from a doctor! Carl, Mark and I were familiar with such rage but shocked that what was perpetrated on us as lil tikes was now being slammed at us as worried adult family members. But that is a memory I'm not wanting to reflect on in this posting. I just wanted to post a picture of all of us together just months before Mark died. Mark's wife, Sue Walker is taking this picture. 

So I went to my picture files from that weekend and pulled up one from when we were working on Mom's home during that same time. I will never forget the support of family during a difficult time that Mom was going through. Again, we had no clue we'd be back together the following year in May for ...

Love and Peace Dear Brother Mark 

LIFE IS FULL OR EMPTY DEPENDING ON THE PILOT

Spring is just around the corner and it will thaw all the winter residue and set the pace for the summer blast. Funny how the weather seasons are so predictable in a very unpredictable way. We can predict the possibilities based on the signs, becoming more adept and right, as tools improve, that aide in those predictions. Amazing!

Weather has always intrigued me. If you would have asked a young me 50+ years ago, what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have said a weather watcher. Not one of those that reported on TV but one of those that studied it. Years later, I would learn about becoming a Meteorologist ... but I would become lost in life issues that postponed any kind of education and faded all Meteorologist desire over the years to the present ... where I can ask Siri, on my iPad, what today's weather will be. She graciously tells me and lists the days temps. Weather now at my finger tips! What a concept!

We love it when the grandchildren come to stay for a bit with Po and Nana. We got our first grandchildren stay, this year, when our Lincoln, NE clan had Spring Break during March 9th through the 13th. 

With the warmer weather, we took our annual hike around the rocky beach near Lake McConaughy's Morning Glory. Much of Lake Mac is still frozen and the warmer weather made the ice unsafe to walk on. I watched my family scramble around the rocky beach from paths on the bluffs above. I had been feeling wobbly most of this day and my feet were still hurting. Why were my feet hurting? That is a mystery for me to yet solve. 

From my vantage point I took pictures and mentally compared this hike with past hikes and family time together. These grandchildren are changing fast and with as much predictable unpredictability as the weather. I wish they wouldn't change sometimes. I wish they were still babies, or that we were still in one of those happy family times. But as we all hike today, each of us are dealing with life issues. We are each in a personal struggle or stress, making this hike somewhat strained but worth the effort. We may not have solved all our problems but collectively we hiked away from them for a bit.

The pictures I took seemed so bland .... and like the bland, icy landscape before us, my emotions were just as bland. From my emotional vantage point at 61, soon to be 62, I found I was just as wobbly and full of growing hurts from my life that are leaving me feeling frozen in helplessness. I keep looking for a path, on a bluff, from a vantage point where I can understand what I need to do or to let go of. 

Waiting for the thaw ...

WALMART COMES TO MY HOMETOWN

Wally World is Here!

It finally happened, after years of yes ... then a couple of years of no ... and finally ... my hometown of Ogallala, NE, has its own mini Walmart supercenter. It opened on Wednesday, January 28th. 

The doors opened at 7:30 am and Brother Carl and I were there to walk through, right on time. What an experience!

The Walmart Associates were lined up on both sides and gave a high five to all who entered the store. It sure pumped me up and I found myself trying to high five everyone and yelling like I was a silly school girl!

The opening ceremonies began with the Store Manager who named and thanked those who had helped get the store up and running. There was a flag presentation by our local military guard, the Star Spangled Banner sung acappella by one of the Walmart Associates and speeches that I don't remember but enjoyed the positivity of what was being said. I was more busy watching all the associates around me and how they actually looked excited. Was it a ruse?

Walmart coming to this community has not been accepted by everyone. Who can please everyone, anyway, right? And opposition to Walmart is nothing new, even to them. There are always the reports that having a Walmart come to your town means the death of the town. If that is true ... I don't know of even one. Or the familiar tune that it will put local businesses out of business. That was happening here, long before Walmart was a possibility. There has been an ebb and flow of business in the history of Ogallala from it's onset.

Well, unlike the nay sayers, I am very glad we have our own Wally World! I love shopping in Walmart and it was such a drag to drive 50 to 80 miles to find the nearest store! Interesting enough, Walmart has diversity in their stores so I like to check them all out. 

There are some Walmarts that I don't enjoy because they are usually stocked with boring items and their associates lack the luster I witnessed in our Walmart Associates on it's opening day. I definitely don't like shopping in Lincoln's Walmart, especially since they made themselves hard to find! Why did you move from North 27th and Cornhusker, Lincoln Walmart? Way out East Lincoln is not a draw for me when I come back to visit one of my favorite cities I use to live in. (Unless I'm heading that way for Best Buy, which also disappointed me with their East Lincoln move!)

Anyway, I enjoy shopping at the Sterling, CO Walmart the most and the North Platte, NE store is my second choice. From my experience not all Walmarts are the same. Similar but not the same.

AND I believe having our own Wally World will add to our community. I know of one business already that opened a store here recently, only because we were getting a Walmart store. This store will also be an added source of employment (maybe to the chagrin of other businesses that will now have to compete for a work force) and it offers more affordable selections to a community that was in sore need of such. Many of those disappointed local businesses, are so, because they charge too much for products that we can now get locally cheaper at Walmart. No more lists to make and hold until I'm North Platte bound!

Walmart is an awesome donator to local food pantries, and they will support the community in ways that can help it grow. Heck ... maybe they are the ones to approach for donations/help to bring back a clinic to this community to assist the low income since the community leaders shut it down with lots of excuses as to why. Excuses that don't help those in need. (Please don't message me with the BS that there are only people who sit on their butts and pretend need. In my opinion, you are one of the haters that have never walked a day in 'need' shoes. You judge and complain and refuse to understand .... until you are the one in need. Hmmmm ... watch out for Karma.)

I am excited to see how this Walmart grows on our community and if it will take it's place on my list of favorite Walmarts to shop in.


And who should be filmed in the check out at Walmarts on opening day by KNOP-TV NEWS?